Fruit of the Spirit: Joy

Dear Sisters in Christ,

I have had more times in my life than I can count where I have felt completely broken. I've lost a parent who struggled with addiction. I was bullied as a child. I've lost friends. I have had my heart broken. I've struggled with mental health issues. I've had rocky relationships with loved ones. I've made terrible decisions that cost me greatly. 

The list could go on and on. My life has not been easy.

When you hit low points, sometimes it can be hard to find happiness, and it can feel as if you will never find it again. With how difficult life can be, it is easy to wonder how to actually have 'joy' as a fruit of the spirit.

Life is hard. 

Dictionary.com defines Joy in this way: "the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation..."

And, due to that definition, I think that is where we miss the mark on what biblical joy is. 

Friend, let me tell you: Biblical joy isn't about feeling elatedly happy all the time. Due to the nature of our broken world, that is impossible. So stop putting irrational pressure on yourself to walk around like a dopey Cheshire cat.

Let's talk about the Apostle Paul. He endured many hardships following after Christ. Here's a list of some of the things he went through:

-Imprisonment

-Regret over causing others to suffer

-Whippings/beatings

-Shipwrecks

-Insomnia

-Division/Perils

-Hunger/Thirst

-Cold/Nakedness

(1 Corinthians 11:23-28)

And also, probably much more that isn't mentioned. Paul also mentions having a "thorn in the flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). We aren't entirely sure what said thorn was. Paul doesn't tell us. However, what we do know was that it was something that caused him much emotional distress.

He begged God to take away the problem. However, when it came down to it, God said no. God told Paul that "...my grace is sufficient for you, and my strength is made perfect in weakness." (vs. 9). Paul accepted God's word to him on the issue. Then he says, "...therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions, and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, therefore I am strong." (vs. 10)

In James 1:2, James talks about how facing trials forces us to grow and get stronger. He says there is great joy to be found in that fact. We can look at difficult times and know that, God is walking through with us and that He is our strength (Psalm 46:1-3, Proverbs 18:10). Joy comes when we can look at a situation and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our God has got us. No matter what the future holds, even with things get dark, we can be content and know that things will be okay. (Philippians 4:11-13.)

Joy is a light, a candle in the darkness. With the Holy Spirit in us, it stays lit no matter what comes. We may feel hurt, but that spark can keep us going. 

To conclude, Joy is contentment regardless of our circumstances. It also holds hands with the fruits of Peace and Hope, which carry us through whatever we may face (which we will discuss at later times.)

If you're having trouble finding Joy today, I hope that this helps you find at least a little to carry you through.

Love,

Chelsea.

Fruit of the Spirit: Love, the Center of the Christian Life

Dear Sisters in Christ,

Over the next 9 weeks, I am going to put the focus on this blog towards learning about the fruits of the spirit. Bearing fruit is something I have personally wanted to study even more about. I want to know more about what these different fruits look like in our lives, and how to better develop them. 

As a reminder, they are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control. (Galatians 5)

The fruit of the Spirit are qualities that develop in a person when they allow the Holy Spirit to work in their lives. And the first one listed is love (greek term, agape). And anyone who has done any sort of study in scripture has at least some idea of how crucial love is to our walk with God.

In the original Greek translation of the New Testament, Agape, one type of love described, goes beyond a feeling we have. There is some feeling involved, but over all, Agape is mostly a choice. Agape love says that, no matter how I feel, or what this person has done, I am going to choose to do good to them. It means you put their needs above yours. In every situation, you choose to lead with compassion and humility. It sometimes could mean that you sacrifice something.

 No, it does not mean you allow abuse or toxic behavior. However, it does mean that you leave revenge and justice in God's hands (Romans 12:19). How God does that and how He works is a whole other topic in itself. 

It's a crazy time we are living in, is it not? We are living through a pandemic. We are fighting over whether or not to wear masks. It's a Presidential election year. I could go through a whole list of things, but we all know the big things that are going on. 

In the midst of this craziness, it is easy to forget what matters the most. When there is so much controversy, it's hard to slow down.

But, we need to do just that. When we go too fast in our lives, we turn our eyes away from God. Our hands turn the steering wheel in the opposite direction. We drive down a dead end dirt road at 100 mph in the dead of night. Where love leaves, chaos and pain ensue.

Slow down. Bite your tongue, and take your fingers off of the keyboard. Walk away from the urge to argue pointless things. With everything going on, it is so easy to allow love to fall out of our grasp.

As Christians, we ought to be about two things all of the time: Loving God, and loving people. Everything else is not worth sacrificing these two most important things.

"And when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with a question: 'Teacher, which commandment is the greatest in the law?'

Jesus declared, 'Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:34-38.)                                                                                        

In His ministry, Jesus told His followers and the people listening that the most important laws above all others were to love God, and love others. These two laws should be the center of our walks with God. If we get these wrong, well, my dear friends, we get EVERYTHING else wrong.

Every command given to us comes off of these in one way or another. Love is what should drive our hearts to honor God and people. Anything that dishonors or disrespects God or our fellow man is sin. 

"If I speak in the language of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all that I have, and deliver myself to be a martyr, but have no love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

You can have all the biblical knowledge in the world. You can say all the right things, convince an entire crowd of something in God's law. You can believe these things with all your heart. Yet, if you do not walk in love, none of these things matter. 

Because God is love (1 John 4:7-8), we cannot begin to even get close to His heart if we are filled with hatred and disdain for our fellow man. Many of the Pharisees were very much this way. They tried to make themselves look as good and righteous as they possibly could. 

Yet, they had no real relationship with God. They worshipped and loved the law itself rather than God. Many of them also had no love for their fellow man and those they considered beneath them. They gave and donated money not out of love or care for others, but just to complete a checklist to appease God.

Are you this way? Really think and consider. Do you tend to go through the motions of our weekly religious traditions? Do the songs and hymns we sing in worship not move your heart in any way? Are you filled with awe of God's love for you? Do you really consider the place the lesson has in your life? How often do you spend time in service to others in some way? Do you speak with God as if He is actually your Father? Do you see Him that way?

Ask yourself these questions. God is looking for people to love Him and people.

Challenge yourself. Compare yourself to the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

-Are you patient and kind? (v. 4)

-Do you get jealous of others a lot? Or, do you constantly compare your life to others and get down about what you don't have? (v. 4)

-Do you often think things like "At least I'm not doing what he/she's doing!" (v. 4)

-Do you tend to not think much about what you say before you say it? Do you have no filter? Do you say things that are inappropriate to other people? (v. 5)

-Do you think more often of yourself? Do you get irritated when others don't do things the way you think it ought to be done? Do you lash out at others when things don't go your way? (v. 5)

-Do you allow your bad moods to determine how you treat others? (v. 5)

-Do you find yourself getting happy when someone gets their 'just desserts' (not talking about righteous justice, but vengeance)? Do you laugh when someone is humiliated in some way, no matter who it is? Do you tend to laugh at things that are out of step with what love is (dishonoring to God, and dishonoring to your fellow man.)? Do you sometimes not speak up when wrong is being committed (abuse, harassment, prejudice, etc....)? (v. 6)

-Do you give up when things get hard or shut down? Do you lose hope? Do you patiently wait things out and never give up? (v. 7)

None of us will ever be completely perfect in any of the things above, as we are imperfect, broken people. However, the closer we move to God, the more He helps us to learn and understand more of what love truly is. The closer we get to Him and love Him more, the more He helps us love people even better. 

In 1 John 4:7-21, we learn that God Himself is love.  All the qualities in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 are traits that God Himself has. When we move closer in a relationship with God, the more we start to look like Him.

Love impacts the growth of all the other fruits of the spirit. If you have not love for God or fellow man, you cannot hope to properly bear the other fruits in your life. Love moves you to act. When love (Agape) takes over someone's heart, they don't stay stationary. They are moved to hold a hand to the broken, the marginalized, the poor, and sick. They are moved to tell the world of a Father who loves them and wants to show them that love. 

This love does not stay confined to a pew, or within the confines of a church building or one's home. Love branches out, explodes; and it changes every interaction someone has with people of the world. 

God's love moved my heart. Though I am not perfect, He continues to move my heart. I want to be better and I want to be closer to His heart. I am His daughter, and He is my Father. I never, ever want to get to a point where His love doesn't fill me with awe and wonder.

 I want it to move yours, and to know how very deeply loved you are, dear friend. Love is where it begins. And the best part? This love has no end. 

Love,

Chelsea

Letting Go of Bitterness

Dear Sisters in Christ, 

Bitterness is a tough problem. I really believe that it is a problem at one point or another for most. It definitely has been for me.

There was a person in my life that I had a lot of strife with. There was much much anger and hurt. There was a lot of misunderstanding. For years I held onto anger, and continued to hold onto everything that transpired between me and this person. I was miserable. 

I allowed a thorny, twisted vine of bitterness take hold of my heart. It squeezed out so much joy from my life.

This person and I are in a better place now. We aren't angry with each other, and we are able to communicate far better than we did before. 

Bitterness is not something God wants us to hang onto in our lives (Ephesians 4:31-32, Hebrews 12:15.) Bitterness is holding onto anger and refusing to let something go. In Hebrews 12:15, we read that bitterness can cause division and strife within the body of Christ. 

Allowing yourself to hang onto bitterness takes away the joy God wants us to have for our lives. Joy is a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22). When we stay stagnant in bitterness, it keeps us from bearing fruit. Bitterness, like any other sin, prevents us from growing as a person, and growing closer to God and others. It prevents us from loving others as God has called us to do.

Note, I am not talking about how feelings come and go in our lives. When someone hurts us in some way, it is definitely traumatic. But I very much believe we have a choice in whether or not we hang on to that long-term. 

Here's the crux of the matter: when you wallow in bitterness, you give the person that hurt you the power. You are continuing to allow them to control your life. You are allowing them to dictate your life. You are allowing the anger and the hurt to guide your steps and how you respond to things. 

And you know who you aren't allowing to guide your steps? God.

Yes, you heard me right. When we become so obsessed and focused on what someone did, it takes our focus away from where it should be. 

When we take our eyes off of God, and refuse to leave that person in His hands, we choose to be held in bondage. Are you going to remember and have feelings about that situation sometimes? Yes, and you need to acknowledge it. You need to accept that feeling, and you need to honor it. You were hurt. 

And then, you need to take a deep breath, and pray. Pray for yourself, pray for that person. Then you need to allow God and His spirit to comfort you and set you on the right path again. That is taking your hurt and putting it in God's hands. 

Then, use that hurt to help others in need. Learn from it, and help others who are struggling. God works through His people to help the world. 

To conclude, sisters, it is okay to have feelings over being hurt. But do not let that event define you. Do not let feelings of anger, hatred, and wrath consume you. Do not allow it to direct your steps. Only God should have that power. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Take back your joy. You can do it. I believe in you.

Love, 

Chelsea

Don't Let the World Distract You from Your Calling in Christ

Dear Sisters in Christ,

The American Dream seems to permeate so much in our culture; including within the church. You know, white picket-fence living, big backyard, lazy summers, barbecues multiple times a year, big house, million gift Christmases etc.

You know, living without one care in the world. 

Sounds really good, doesn't it? And as Americans, we want to do absolutely anything we can to hang on to that dream and the lifestyle that goes with it. As a culture, we don't particularly enjoy anything that threatens our personal comfort. One need only look at how some are handling this pandemic to know this fact.

The past few years in my personal studies and growing closer to Christ, I question how much this idea of the American Dream is really in keeping with the life we are called to live as Christians. 

In this article, I want to tackle the idea of how materialism might be interfering with our walk with Christ.

When I look at America today, I see quite a few things that disturb me in regard to this issue. It is good to consider how much we spend pouring into earthly things as opposed to spiritual. It is good to consider our priorities in regard to doing good for other people.

I will readily admit that it's impacted me too. I think if most of us were honest, we would admit that we, in some way or fashion, have an issue with materialism. It's a huge part of American culture.

It's not a sin to live in a nice house. That isn't the point. The point I want to talk about is how much you cling to those things, and if they are impeding us in any way from having a relationship with God, and doing good for others. 

As an example, how often do we find ourselves so focused on our daily routines and things of this world every day? Then, when you lay your head down at night, you come to the realization that you gave little or nothing to God during the day. So, you say a little prayer before you fall asleep because you feel like you should, more than pursuing an actual relationship with Him. On another side to this, we get so get so caught up in what we are doing, that we forget that there are others in desperate need as well. 

It's so easy for us to disconnect from the most important things. We are so content and busy enjoying what we have, that we ignore God and others. Or, on the flip side, we are so busy trying to build a perfect physical environment, that we do the same thing.

The Christian life is not meant to be comfortable. (1 Peter 4:12, Ephesians 6:12.) Sure, there are things culturally and blessings we receive that help keep our physical lives comfortable. 

But, how much do we praise and thank God for them, truly? And then, how much do we go out of our way to share our comforts and love with others who need it? The things we have are a gift from God, and we should also try to use them to bless others if we can.

See, that is what the Christian walk is supposed to be about: loving and serving God and others (Matt. 22:34-40, 25:35-40). We have to be careful that we don't allow our minds to be so warped by the "American Dream" that we forget what our calling is supposed to be. 

 

It's a reality check that we have to remind ourselves of often. Being Christians, we should constantly be checking in with ourselves to see how we are growing, improving, and bearing fruit (Colossians 1:10, Galatians 5:22-23, Matthew 7:17-20, John 15:5.) If we have gotten stagnant, it's a good sign we have let the things of the world distract us far too much.

One of the main purposes of this blog is to help us as Christian women grow closer in our relationships to God and others. And, this is a topic that really needs more addressing. We have to spend more time with God. We have to quit treating service and worship to Him like a checklist item that we just have to get done in order to appease Him. 

That isn't love, nor a relationship. If you say you don't have enough time to pour into something like that, then I would really suggest figuring out if that is actually true. If it is, consider what you should give up in order to have that life-giving relationship with God. A relationship with Him is the most important one you will ever have, as it influences every other part of your life.

God and the pursuit of Him brings peace. Throwing yourself into making your physical world as perfect as possible doesn't bring that peace and joy we so desperately crave. 

Sure it can make us comfortable and sometimes "spark joy", but it doesn't bring the "peace that passes understanding" (Philippians 4:7.) Only God can do that. Spending more time with Him, and serving others, those are things that truly bring lasting peace. (And, honestly, spending more time on experiences and relationships than stuff makes for a better life too.) Certain things can be fun and relaxing (such as video games) but don't make them the crux of your life.

This is a challenging study for me too. Writing this is convicting me in so many ways, and making me want to continue to get better with this. I want to go against the grain of our culture and really serve God the way He calls us to. I want to have a greater abundance of the things that matter more. I want to spend more time on things that matter:

-Growing closer to God

-Growing closer to the people I love

-Serving others and sharing my blessings with them.

-Fighting for the oppressed and lifting up the hurt and sharing with them the love of Christ. 

-Having more experiences and laughter than things. 

-More time on developing my talents and using them for God's glory. 

This is ultimately the life I want to live. What about you? What can you do today to overcome a materialist mindset and draw closer to God and others?

Love, 

Chelsea

Walk In Love; Not Pettiness and Bitterness.

Dear Sisters in Christ,

I often feel like many people tend to get themselves into petty drama all. The. Time. 

I don't understand how people live that way. You know what I'm talking about; the people who are constantly ranting and raving about all the 'haters' and 'jealous' people in their lives. The people who seem convinced that everyone is just out to get them. Or the people who are constantly trying to start fights with others. I feel like in some ways it gets amplified nowadays because of social media. 

Do you know people like that? Maybe you're guilty of that. Honestly, every once in a while we all can be petty or bitter. When life gets tough, and stressful, sometimes it can be easy to make the excuse to lash out because you're frustrated, or don't feel well.

Let me give it to you straight: There is never a good excuse to lash out at someone. It doesn't matter how you feel, or what someone else said to you earlier in the day.

I'm talking to myself here, too. I've done this more times than I can count. The older I get, the more I see that being petty does nothing more than pour more hate, hurt, bitterness, and frustration into the world. 

As Christians, we must walk in love. In case you need a reminder, biblical love is mostly a verb. Biblical love is action, seeking the best for others. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It isn't envious, nor does it brag about itself. It isn't proud. It does not bring dishonor to others, nor is it selfish. It isn't irritable, nor does it keep a record of everything someone has done wrong. It always protects, always trusts, and never gives up. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8.)

We choose whether or not we walk in love. Loving others when we are irritable or not feeling well isn't easy. But, it isn't impossible. 

It is a part of bearing fruit in our walk with Christ. Meaning, we grow more like Christ. Some of the fruits we need to work on bearing for this situation are Love, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. 

We must choose to love, and seek the best for another person. We must choose to be patient. We must choose to be kind, and gentle. We must develop self-control over ourselves and our tongues. 

Are these qualities easy to develop? No, but growing isn't easy, and it isn't supposed to be. It's an article for another day, but following after Christ isn't supposed to be comfortable. 

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to have feelings. But it's not okay to mistreat others because of how you feel. You don't get a free pass to do and say whatever you want because of it.

If you're angry, say so; but don't hurl insults or yell. (Ephesians 4:26.)

If you're upset with someone, talk to them about it instead of telling the whole world. (Matthew 18:15, Ephesians 4:29.)

If you're irritable, train yourself to bite your tongue. Leave the room if you have to. Stop hanging out with petty and bitter people. Stop giving attention to people who feel the need to constantly instigate fights. Instead, hang around with those who pour life and light into your life. 

It isn't easy. But, you may find that when you choose to walk in love, no matter how you feel, you have more authentic joy in your life. 

This week, work on taming your tongue and choosing love, even if you don't feel like it. You've got this. 

Love, 

Chelsea

Focus on Faith and Mental Health #5: When You're Feeling Suicidal

Dear Sisters in Christ,

A few years ago, I found myself in a serious situation. I was in school, and living a mile off of campus in a duplex by myself with my dog. I had no car. I walked to school everyday, and walked back after my classes were finished.

I wasn't able to hang out with friends much, or socialize. As soon as school got out in the afternoon, I had to head straight home to take care of my dog. 

It started off great. I was really glad to be living by myself for the first time, whether or not I had a car. It wasn't easy, I'll be honest. Sometimes it was hard to find rides in order to get groceries. There were some days I had to walk with up to four heavy grocery bags. Although, eventually I had someone that I could call that would be able to help me if I needed it.

Due to my social isolation, even at school, it started to have an effect on me. I began having suicidal thoughts, and I wanted to hurt myself.

I felt like I was a drain on everyone around me. I felt like I wasn't really contributing anything worthwhile. I began having suicidal thoughts and a desire to hurt myself.

This was definitely one of my lowest points in life, and it was really hard.

One day while walking to school, I finally had a moment of reality hit me. I began to question why I was having these thoughts and why I was beginning to feel this way. I knew then that it wasn't good. I then realized that I needed to do something.

I told my Mom. She told me to tell my friends and go back to counseling. So I did. I was able to move back to campus with my dog, and I got help.

I want to make this point: The absolute best thing you can do when you're feeling suicidal is to speak up and tell someone!

Is it scary? Absolutely. It is hard to bare your soul to people; because, often we don't always know for sure how they will respond. We don't know always know what they are going to say. 

I was fortunate because I have some very supportive people in my life. I understand that isn't the case for some people. For those who are in that situation, there is someone out there who will take you seriously and listen. 

Whatever side of the spectrum you fall on, with supportive people or no, your life is worth fighting for. Don't listen to the voices of the enemy (and other people) who tell you otherwise. Don't listen to those voices that tell you that you have nothing worthwhile to give or offer. 

God made you for a reason. He sent his only son to die for you, knowing that it was the only way to cleanse us from our sins. (John 3:16.) He WANTS a relationship with you, to show you just how precious you are to Him. He wants you to know that your life is worth living, and that He can make beauty out of your mess. 

It doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter what you have done. It doesn't matter what other people say about you or think about you. He sees you as His precious child, and He wants you to believe it. 

If you want to know more about God's love and how precious you are to Him, send me a message, and I will be glad to help. I am also a safe person to talk to if you feel like you don't want to live your life anymore. I have been there, and I also can point you in the direction of some resources that can help. 

Also, a good number to call is the National Suicide Hotline. This number has trained counselors on their staff to talk to you and help you. Another resource is "To Write Love on Her Arms". This is an organization that helps people find resources for dealing with suicidal thoughts, drug addiction, self-injury, and suicide. I will post how to access these resources and others, down below.

Whatever you do, don't give up. Trust that God has a beautiful plan for your life. Just keep fighting. This won't last forever.

Love,

Chelsea

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1. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
2. To Write Love on Her Arms: www.twloha.com
3. MentalHealth.gov
4. Psychology Today. This website has listings of therapists all over the country to help you find the best fit for you. www.psychologytoday.com

How to Not Be a Miserable Comforter

Dear Sisters in Christ,

Boy, has this past week been a mess. There's really, truly, no other word for it. I am sure everyone can agree.

In regard to the murder of George Floyd, and people's responses to it, I have noticed these three issues that need dire attention among Christians:

1. A lot of people are not walking in compassion.

2. A lot of people don't know how to comfort others.

3. A lot of people really don't know how to listen to others.


The title of this article itself is a reference to Job 16:2, where Job calls out his friends for being "miserable comforters" in his time of distress. In the sections below, we will discuss more about this, and what we can learn from his four friends about how not to help someone who is suffering.

For a refresher, Job was a man who went through some very unfortunate events. He lost his home, his wealth, his family, his marriage, and his health within a very short period of time. There seemed to be no good reason for it, and his friends pretty much blamed him and assumed that it happened because he had sinned in some way (he hadn't.) If you haven't in a while, that might be a book to go back and read.

This article isn't really going to tackle the issues of privilege, racial injustice, police brutality, systemic racism, etc. While I do agree that these things are a problem, I admit that I am not in a place to where I can adequately write about those things specifically in depth.

However, I think the best way that I can contribute to helping these issues is to write about how to be better at listening, comforting, and loving others in crisis. 

As Christians, we are supposed to grow in these skills. It is a part of bearing fruit (Galatians 5:22-23.) We cannot adequately love our neighbors or our spiritual brothers and sisters if we don't really know how to be better comforters or be helpful. 

And, right now, many of us are really failing miserably in that regard. 

I'm not perfect in regard to being a comforter either; none of us are. Human fallibility for you. Yet, I have learned a lot that really help in regard to my interactions with others and the difficulties they face.

The information I will be sharing can not only be applied to this situation, but any situation where there is pain.

So, how can we begin to be better at helping those who are hurting?


1. Sometimes, Silence is Best.

First, whenever you hear about an issue that has happened, fight the urge to point fingers or give advice towards the people/persons in crisis. Do not give your opinion on something you were not there for. Fight the urge to be a fixer in that moment. Bite your tongue.


When people are hurting, sometimes the best thing you can do is be quiet and sit with them. Or, if you do speak, (or type) let it be in encouragement and building up. (Ephesians 4:29, Romans 14:19, Colossians 4:6.) Nothing more. 

Let them know that you are there for them, and will pray with them and for them. Let them know that you are there to listen, or help with providing things they need. Let them know you are on their side and that you hate that they are hurting. Everything else can hurt more than help.

Here is where Job's friends come in Job chapters 8-28. These guys are a prime example of what I just explained. 

They started off doing the right thing by completing the first step of sitting with him in silence. They had "made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him." (2:11.) However, the problems came when they decided to open their big mouths. 

One by one each of them made big, long speeches about the things he MUST have done wrong, or that his family had done wrong to deserve this anguish. (Apply this to how some are responding right now to the issues occurring.)

The youngest of his four friends, Elihu, was almost on the right track by trying to point his friends back to God. But he too, made the same mistake of automatically assuming that Job had brought this misery on himself. (Job 32-37.) I think the lesson here is that, preaching at someone while they are suffering, however well-intentioned, is not the right approach to take. 

When we do this, we are allowing pride a foot hold. We become convinced that since we are going back to scripture, we have the answer to 'fix' their problem.

These men allowed their pride to run far ahead of them on matters of Job's life they knew nothing about. Be careful that you do not fall into the same trap with others; and especially with the issues going on with race relations or other ways in which people are suffering. Walking into these issues with humility is the best approach. 

(Also, don't politicize another person's pain. Meaning, be careful not to let your political beliefs impede how you view a situation. This is another issue I am seeing, and it is destroying more relationships and blocking the cause of Christ than more people care to admit or realize. Your political beliefs are not scripture or gospel. So quit treating them like they are.)



2. Put On Your Listening Ears

Jumping off of the previous section, while being there for someone, we have to listen. 

Shut off and fight your inclination to debate, and give advice. (Yes, even if it comes from scripture.) Just listen to their hurt. Listen with your humanity and try to walk in their shoes. When you try to offer advice or debate a person's experiences, it's almost as if you are writing them off and being dismissive. 

It as if you are telling them that if they would just do this or that, it would fix everything. Or worse, that you aren't taking them seriously or believe them. It can also be taken as if you are blaming them for the hurt inflicted upon them.

Going back to Job's friends, they dismissed everything he said in trying to defend himself or explain his situation. They offered no comfort, or affirmation of his situation. When they were listening to his defense, all they could do is debate and argue with him. It is obvious that they were "listening" only to further their own agendas and arguments against him. They had no idea how to step back, exercise empathy, or encourage.

Rule of thumb: learn to practice active listening. This is a crucial skill to have when someone is struggling. It is one of the biggest ways to show empathy. When you practice active listening, you listen to what someone has to say, and then you repeat back to them what they are telling you. 

Here is an example of what I mean from the movie Inside Out:

And again, if you haven't experienced what they have, you have nothing to speak on in giving advice. Nothing. This is where humility comes in. When you walk in with humility, you allow yourself to be wrong. You allow yourself to be open to things going on that you may not have realized before. You are open to seeing how you can change or make something better in the lives of others. 

"Weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15.)

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted..." (Ephesians 4:32.)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but to the interests of others."(Philippians 2:3-4.)

"Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger..." (James 1:19.)

3. How to Act

When people are hurting, there are also some actionable things you can do. Besides sitting in silence, offering words of encouragement, and listening to them. 

Here are some ideas for building others up:

-Treat them to a meal or coffee. Or something they enjoy.

-Send them cards, or even a facebook message or comment that you love them and are praying for them. 

-Send them a meme you know they would find funny.

-Offer to help at their home, or bring a meal. Offer to look after their children or pets if they are feeling really overwhelmed and need a break. 

-Give them a hug if they need it. (Who am I kidding? We ALL need a hug right now.)

-If it is an issue like the one we are currently dealing with, ask those people how you can help them or better understand what they are going through. Lead with compassion. Always.

...There are a lot of ways we can accomplish this. Be creative and see what you can do. 

"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing each other honor." (Romans 12:10.)



To wrap up, in terms of helping people who are hurting or in crisis, the best things we can do is to speak only words of encouragement, be more quiet, and let our actions be of love and helpfulness.

We all have opinions, but sometimes in wake of hardship or trials, it is better that love wins out over opinions.

Love, 

Chelsea