Finding God in Our Trauma

 

Dear Readers,

Pain envelops and saturates much in our lives doesn't it?

And, oftentimes, it lives inside of us to the very core of our being.

Our pain can cause us to mistreat others, mistreat ourselves, and create chaos in our lives. 

I spent years in bitterness, hurt, and anger towards individuals who hurt me deeply. For years I would beg and cry to be seen, and to be heard. I would scream for my pain to be recognized by the ones who caused me harm. It consumed so much of my heart and existence.

And here, on the other side, is this very poignant truth: they won't know my pain. They can't. Because they aren't me.

Then I had a choice to make: keep downing and filling my entire being with bitter poison; or release my pain and trauma to a compassionate God who sees them. 

As anyone who has been through trauma can tell you, the experiences become etched into the core of who we are. Life isn't the same when you go through incredible pain. You will still inevitably have moments of anxiety triggered by things that remind you of the trauma. There will be times when you suddenly feel overwhelmed by grief. There will be situations where you realize that your trauma led you to make very poor decisions. 

However, despite my trauma, I can choose to forgive; or I can choose to have bitterness. I can choose to find things to be thankful for; or I can wallow in self-pity everyday. I can choose joy; or I can choose bitterness. I can choose to hate myself; or I can choose to give myself love and grace, and accept my humanness. 

Whatever I go through, I know that my God will be more than enough. I used to constantly ask ‘Why God?”. And while, in a sense there isn’t anything wrong with asking God ‘why’, I have come to understand that I don’t necessarily need to know the reason. I have come to start accepting that pain and frailty are a part of the human existence. 

In what is probably my favorite passage in all of scripture, 2nd Corinthians 12:7-10, the apostle Paul talks about a thorn in the flesh that tormented him. He begged God to take it away. In the end, however, God tells Paul that His grace will be sufficient and enough to see Paul through. It is in our weaknesses and hardships that we meet the power of God.

When we can humble ourselves to God and hand our worries and cares over to Him, (including other people) he can bring so much peace into our lives despite the pain.  (1 Peter 5:6-7)

I hope you can start to find that today, my beautiful friend. 

Love, 

Chelsea