Courage Makes for a Beautiful Life

 

Dear Readers,

For most of my entire life, self-doubt and self-hatred riddled my existence. Fear consumed me. Many decisions that I have made in my life have deep root in fear and self-loathing.

My absolute biggest fear is being a burden on others or causing problems for them.

I wouldn't message individuals I wanted to be closer to for the longest time. I was afraid of annoying them and being a burden. This happened despite evidence to show me that the interest was definitely mutual.

I would avoid certain jobs because I told myself I couldn't. Again, fear of making mistakes, being a burden and causing problems for others.

I would avoid certain experiences or make excuses because I felt that I would somehow find a way to mess it all up. Life became a puzzle of figuring out how I could best protect myself.

Last year, I made the decision that I no longer wanted to make decisions based in fear. It was hard, but, I grew so much. I learned to trust God more and allow Him to be in more control. I didn't always get it right, but, I allowed Him to walk with me through the fears.

I am starting to reach out more to people I want to be closer to. And when I do? The world doesn't explode. Actually, quite the opposite.

I applied to jobs I never thought I would. Fast food, for instance. When I found myself in a situation in which I desperately needed a job, I became willing to do those things. I ended up not having to work in fast food. I am thankful for that; but if I had to I could do it.

I am learning to accept the fact that mistakes are inevitable. Being human, they are going to happen. What matters though, is what we do with those mistakes.

I am going to make social faux pas sometimes. If someone tells me I am over stepping or do something they don't like, I can respect their boundaries and do better.

If I make a mistake at work, it's not the end of the world. I can figure out how to prevent it from happening again and change my course of action.

I can forgive myself. I can accept grace for myself. I can live in peace knowing that regardless of whatever mistakes I make, it doesn't lessen my worth.

God still loves me, cherishes me, and fights for me every single day. He loves me in spite of my brokenness, awkwardness, my sin and my mistakes. He sees me as capable. He makes me strong. He gives me courage.

My loved ones don't see me as a burden. Time and time again, they’ve shown that my pain isn't mine alone to carry. They’ve shown me that it's okay to bear each other's burdens.

The knowledge of these things encourage me to act in spite of being afraid.

Life is too short to live it in constant fear. Life is too short to live in constant comfort. And to quote a certain red-haired cartoon teacher, “Take chances! Make mistakes! Get messy!”

Oftentimes, I have found that life's most beautiful and magical moments are the ones that are born from courage.

Allow yourself that today, beautiful friend. Be brave, accept grace for yourself, and know God is walking with you every step of the way.

Love,

Chelsea