Dear Sisters in Christ,
We all have royally messed up, big time. I am most definitely no exception. Sin can make things really messy, and there can be a lot of regret.
Sometimes, also, we tend to feel such deep regret and shame for a long time. Ladies, it is a mistake to allow that shame to rule your life. Do we need to be aware and make sure we try not to fall into the trap of sin again? Absolutely! But God never intended for you to hang onto that shame and guilt. God cannot use those who get stuck in unbelief and faithlessness. And that is a serious problem.
Here are some things to remember when dealing with shame and regret.
God Has Forgiven You
This is the most important. You realize that when you have asked for forgiveness as a child of God, God forgives and does not hold it against you. (1 John 1:9.)
We all know the story of Paul. He was basically a murderer. He threw Christians into prison, and had them killed. But when he encountered Christ, his life completely changed. He came to understand that what he’d done was very, very wrong. If God can forgive that, He can forgive anything. He can, in fact, forgive you. (1 Timothy 1:15-16.)
There are many more examples I can give. All throughout scripture, we see people who had royally messed up. We see people who did awful things. But somehow or another, God made a way to come into their hearts and change them. God is truly a God of making beauty out of messy situations. If God can handle that mess and others, He is more than capable of handing your mess as well.
Challenge the Negative Thoughts
The bible talks a lot about the heart. Much of what Jesus talked about in his ministry has much to do about the state of our hearts. You see, the state our hearts are in has an impact on our spiritual lives and our relationship to God.
Proverbs 4:23 says this: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
In counseling, part of the method of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is learning to challenge negative thoughts, and the concept itself is actually very biblical. A big part of guarding your heart centers a lot around challenging thoughts that are not in line with God’s truth.
2nd Corinthians 10:5 says, “We destroy arguments and every and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
We all know the story of Paul. He was basically a murderer. He threw Christians into prison, and had them killed. But when he encountered Christ, his life completely changed. He came to understand that what he’d done was very, very wrong. If God can forgive that, He can forgive anything. He can, in fact, forgive you. (1 Timothy 1:15-16.)
There are many more examples I can give. All throughout scripture, we see people who had royally messed up. We see people who did awful things. But somehow or another, God made a way to come into their hearts and change them. God is truly a God of making beauty out of messy situations. If God can handle that mess and others, He is more than capable of handing your mess as well.
Challenge the Negative Thoughts
The bible talks a lot about the heart. Much of what Jesus talked about in his ministry has much to do about the state of our hearts. You see, the state our hearts are in has an impact on our spiritual lives and our relationship to God.
Proverbs 4:23 says this: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
In counseling, part of the method of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is learning to challenge negative thoughts, and the concept itself is actually very biblical. A big part of guarding your heart centers a lot around challenging thoughts that are not in line with God’s truth.
2nd Corinthians 10:5 says, “We destroy arguments and every and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”
As Christians, we challenge things that are not truthful, including our own thoughts. Especially our own thoughts. If a thought comes through that says we couldn’t possibly be forgiven, that we are not enough, or that God doesn’t love us, we need to challenge it. We must take that thought ‘captive’ and compare it to what we know is true. We must recall what scripture says about the love, grace, and forgiveness God has for us. (John 3:16, 1 John 3:1, 1 John 4:19, Romans 8:37-39, 1 John 1:9, Ephesians 1:7, Psalm 103:12.)
Those thoughts are lies being fed to us by the enemy. (James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8.) So, knowing this, we must fight them.
As mentioned above, if we allow these thoughts to control us and become our identity, God cannot use us in that state. Whatever state our heart is in often becomes our reality. It is only when we start challenging those lies that we can truly accept God’s calling for our lives. I’ve mentioned this before in a previous article, but a real relationship cannot exist where one rejects or denies another’s love. It is the same in our relationship with God. We have to accept His love, and decide to accept ourselves before God can truly work in us and change us.
Understanding Temptation
I’m adding this in because I feel that this is very applicable. I think oftentimes we tend to feel shame about temptations we face. Let me make this very clear: temptation in and of itself is not sin!
Jesus Himself was tempted (Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 4:1-13, Mark 1:12-13.) But, He did not sin. Just because you feel an urge to behave in a certain way does not mean that you have to act on it. Acting on our fleshly side is sin, whether it is in the heart or things we choose to physically do through our actions.
Paul talked about this as well in Romans 7:15-16: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I admit that the law is good.”
I really recommend reading verses 10-25 on your own. See, Paul is making the point that sinful desire can be strong. It is the result of living in a broken world. And the feelings you have to want to sin, dear sisters, are normal to all who live in this world. Whatever the temptation is for you-gossip, sexual immorality, wrath, jealousy, faithlessness, lust, etc.-please understand that you are not bad for having temptation.
Jesus understands that the desires of the flesh are strong. He’s been there. He knows. But the key is to put the will of God above the way you may be feeling at the time. It’s hard. Goodness knows, I totally get it.
Because all temptation is so common (1 Corinthians 10:13) you have to remember that you are not alone. You are not the only one struggling with whatever sin it is that weighs you down. It’s hard, but talk to God about how you are feeling in detail. Talk to someone else who has earned the right to hear your story. Shine a light on the darkness.
I hate to tell you this, but, you’re going to struggle with that temptation to sin your whole life. But you know what? God is faithful. He will give you ways of escape. He IS our escape (1 Corinthians 10:13.) And if you mess up, get up and try again, and build your resolve to try harder. Open up more about the problem.
Stop living in shame. Jesus suffered far too much, and gave too much for you to feel such deep, debilitating shame over being tempted. With all of the blessings and rich grace that He bestows upon His children, you can make it! God does not leave His children without a way to fight.
Which leads us to the last part...
He Came to Give you an Abundant Life
We will have hard times in our lives. We live in a messy, messy world, ladies. However, that does not mean that God intended for our lives to be awful all the way through. One of the fruits of the spirit is Joy. (Galatians 5:22-23.) Joy doesn’t mean that we are energetically happy all the time. It means that, no matter your circumstance, you find contentment, and find ways to find the blessing and the good. You remember that God is in control, and will take care of you, no matter what.
Knowing what we talked about in a previous section, Jesus came to give us a more abundant, beautiful life. The enemy (Satan) seeks to destroy us in any way possible that he can. And if he can separate you from God by destroying your belief and faith in God, he can do it if we allow him. (John 10:9-11, 1 Peter 5:8.)
We have to remain vigilant. Allowing shame to overwhelm us and distort our view of God will lead us further away from Him. Identifying where we are weakest, and accepting that it’s an issue for us is where we begin. Identifying that we are weak and need God is where we start. (2 Corinthians 12:9, Proverbs 3:5-6.)
When we really open up to God about what’s going on with us, and are raw and honest, just watch and see how He works in your heart. Will the temptations still be there? Unfortunately, yes. Will the difficulties of life also be there? Also, yes. But God gives joy, peace, and contentment. (Philippians 4:7, 11.)
Everyone has a past, and painful things that occurred. We’ve all made dumb mistakes at different points that we wish we could undo. But God is faithful, and powerful enough to make a beautiful story out of your mess. Believe it, and release your shame, your sorrow and your doubt. Run into God’s open arms, and truly allow Him to love you and bestow the forgiveness He has for you.
Believe in your salvation, and accept that God has given it to you. Believe what God says of you. (1 John 5:11-15)
If you’re reading this and you are not a follower of Christ, and you worry about coming to God because of your past, I want to give you some comfort. God is not looking for perfect people to follow Him. He’s not looking for the most morally competent (who is completely morally competent?) Never once has God called perfect people to His work. Everyone He called was a broken mess in one way or another. The work He did in their lives was incredible, and He wants to do the same for you. He wants a relationship with you, and to have you reconciled to Him. He loves you like crazy, dear one. As your Heavenly Father, He wants the best for you and wants to give you peace, purpose, and a beautiful existence that honors Him.
If you want to know more about what God expects from your life, feel free to drop me a message. I’ll be more than happy to chat with you. Whatever you need, whether you are a Christian, or whether you’re searching, I am here to try and point you in the right direction if you want it.
Love,
Chelsea
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