Forgive You, Forgive You Not

Dear Sisters in Christ,

I think all of us at one point or another have had that one person that hurt us far more deeply than we could ever imagine. It strikes our hearts in such a way, that we aren't sure if we will ever be the same again.

Before we begin to understand what is happening, roots of bitterness take root in our hearts. It consumes us, body, and soul. We spend most of our waking moments angry, and unable to let go. We want the worst for them, or we want them to hurt as we have hurt. So we constantly lash out, bare our teeth, and speak venom to the one who has wronged us. 

I have been there. There was one person in my life who, for the longest time, I could not get along with. I was so, so angry. I was hurt. I was broken for how they treated me and the fact that we couldn't seem to find reconciliation. I wanted this person to understand how they had hurt me.

And the thing was, I couldn't see the bitterness in my life. I couldn't see how refusing to let go was destroying me from the inside out. When I finally realized that I was, in fact, refusing to forgive, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I realized how miserable and unhappy I was. 

All because I refused to let go. Because I felt there was a score to settle.

Then, once I chose to truly let go and forgive, it changed everything. My joy returned, and bitterness left. Life began to blossom before me.

First, let me begin by talking about what forgiveness is, and isn't.

• Forgiveness does not equal giving back trust. While I was able to reach reconciliation with the person I had struggles with, I know that this is not the case for everyone. And, even if you forgive someone, trust is not always wise to give, depending on what the person has done.
• Forgiveness does not mean that you forget. This is so, so wrong. When you get hurt, it changes you and can leave painful scars. 
• Forgiveness DOES mean that you cancel whatever debt you feel they owe you. You let it go. However, this does not mean that they won't receive consequences for their actions. Revenge belongs to God, and He promises that He will handle whatever wrongs have been done to us or those we love. (Romans 12:19.) When we choose to take vengeance into our own hands, it means we do not trust God enough to handle it himself. 
• Forgiveness does not mean that justice is not sought. In the case of someone who has severely hurt other people (sexual assault, molesters, murderers, etc.)these people do need to be behind bars, as to prevent them from hurting other people. This is not revenge, but simply seeking out the interests of others. 
• Forgiveness means that if at all possible, you seek good for them. You pray for them. If you have to interact with them, you treat with kindness and generosity, even if they haven't done the same to you. 

Jesus said in Luke 6:27-28: "But I say to those that hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."

He also says, "If you do not forgive other's trespasses, neither will God forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:15.)

Truth is, (and I am definitely speaking from experience here) refusing to forgive eats at you from the inside out. It's like a thorny vine that takes root in your heart and mind, and consumes you with pain, and bitterness. You cannot bear the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) especially love and joy. 

When we allow bitterness to choke our souls, nothing good comes from it. It puts more hatred into the world, instead of healing it. Whatever is in our hearts is going to flow back out into the world. Proverbs 4:23 says that we need to guard our hearts, because our hearts are like a spring, or a river. 

And, girl, let me just say this: If your heart's spring water is salty, that's exactly what is going to flow out of you. 

This isn't scripture, but I like this quote as well: "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

So here's the crux of the matter: Forgiveness is more for us and our hearts than it is for the other person. Allowing bitterness and resentment into our hearts is a sure fire way to destroy our spiritual lives, and our physical lives as well. Refusing to forgive makes us unbearable people, and in turn, makes the world a slightly more unbearable place. We need to be above that as followers of Christ, and pour more light and love into the world. 

Love,

Chelsea