My name is Rebekah. I am currently a preachers wife, and also a stay at home mom to two boys and I am expecting another baby in September of this year. My life is crazy chaotic, especially since having children. Even though I don’t have a job outside my home, I struggle to get things done on a daily basis because I am constantly dealing with stress, anxiety, and bipolar disorder.
At about the age of 15 I began to show signs of depression. I can remember days when I would lay in bed and doing nothing but stare at my bedroom walls. I’ve always felt like something was wrong with me. My moods have never been stable, and I’ve always been a very sensitive person.
Through the years I managed my depression the best that I knew how. I never really gave much thought to seeing a counselor or going on medication to help with my symptoms. That all changed after I had my first child. After coming home from the hospital, I had a big mental breakdown, aka Post Partum Depression.
I was overwhelmed with sadness and anger; even though I felt like I should have been super happy. I just had a baby whom I loved more than anything. My hormones were out of whack, and I couldn’t think clearly about anything.
After being home for about a week, I called my doctors office and told them that I couldn’t handle my life anymore and I needed help. They made an appointment for me the following morning with my OB. Once I was able to be seen by my doctor, she prescribed some medicine and also helped me get into counseling.
Since that time, which has been six years, I have seen numerous counselors and have been able to stay on my medicine consistently. In the past six years I have moved to 3 different states, and my husband has had three different preaching jobs. During all this time, my mental health has been through a lot. There have been times when I just wanted to give up on life. I’ve had many breakdowns; more than I can count.
After moving far from family, adding two children to our lives, and having a few other serious problems that are still being addressed, it’s no wonder I haven’t been in the best place mentally and spiritually. I’ve been way too hard on myself without realizing that I was doing it. Even though some days are still extremely difficult to get through, I was able to find a piece to my life’s puzzle that changed everything for me.
Last January I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Even though I wasn’t shocked about this diagnosis, I was a little shattered at first. Now I understood what was “wrong” with me my whole life. As hard as it was to accept that this was my thorn in the flesh, I felt a lot of relief. I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, although in reality, this was something I would continue to deal with for the rest of my life.
Through all of the mental chaos that has been going on inside my head for so long, I feel that all of it has brought me closer to God. 1 Corinthians 10:13 has been a constant reminder that God has not given me more than I can bear. Philippians 4:13 says that "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me." The apostle Paul had a thorn in his flesh that was a constant struggle for him. He asked the Lord to take the thorn away, but instead of saying no, God gave him a better answer. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 God tells Paul that “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.
Even though I wake up every morning knowing that that day could be very emotionally crippling for me, I know that I can make it through because I know that I have God on my side. As long as I choose Him, He will help me get through anything that seems impossible. Not only through prayer and Bible reading has He given me comfort in hard times, but also through my counseling and medication. I give Him all the credit for helping me get to a point in my life where I know I can handle whatever dark valley I go through.
No comments:
Post a Comment