The OTHER Side of Modest Dress

Dear Sisters in Christ,

The clothing we wear and modesty is always a hot topic for Christian women. I am going to talk about modesty, but maybe not in the way you typically hear about it. Whenever we hear people talk about modesty, it's always about lust.

We've made it only about lust, when truth be told, the verses that specifically address modesty don't really mention it per se.

Let's take a look at them:

"I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls, or expensive clothing, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."-1 Timothy 2:9-10.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."-1 Peter 3:3-4.

Let's look at some of the Greek terms that show up in the original manuscripts that describe how our dress should be.

Kosmios: Orderly
Aidous: Shamefacedness, humble, modest
Sophrosynes: Prudence, wisdom, self-control, moral
Hesychiou: Mild, Gentle


Take a break from your reading to really let that sink into your mind for a moment. In the verses above, and looking at some of the Greek terms, I think we can come to a better understanding of the meaning behind modesty.

The truth is, like everything else God teaches us in scripture, everything centers on the heart.  As our heavenly Father, He knows the ways in which we can tend to struggle.

The words above are completely foreign to what today's world tells us to be. And in most times in history, to be honest. The world tells us to flaunt ourselves, and the stuff we have. The world tells us that our appearance is more important than it should be. In these verses, God tells us to humble ourselves and be more about serving others than about our appearance.

We need only look throughout history, as well as today to see that obsession with physical appearance is a huge problem for women, and it can seriously cause a lot of problems in our lives. 

For instance, did you know that Queen Elizabeth the first at some point in her life started wearing lead-based makeup? It is believed that she started wearing it because she had contracted small-pox, and was left horribly scarred. She apparently ended up having some health problems from it. 

Also, it used to be in China (and some small, isolated villages there apparently still practice this) that people called bonesetters would break and bend women's feet to give them a smaller appearance that was considered to be attractive. 

And even today, people still undergo extreme measures to be 'beautiful':
-Many women put harsh chemicals on their hair to achieve the perfect hairstyle.

-Women obsessively exercise to obtain the 'perfect body' (which, the idea for the so-called perfect body will just change again in 10 years...here's looking at you, thigh gap). Why not exercise just to be healthy rather than have the perfect body?

-Women get plastic surgery because they hate their bodies (Note, I understand that plastic surgery is sometimes necessary, especially after a massive weight-loss). There is even a woman somewhere in the world who has gone out of her way to be a complete replica of Barbie. 

God tells us to be above these things. The truth is, our appearance can become an idol. God commands modesty as the verses say, because it professes Godliness and it allows us to focus more on our inner hearts and doing good for others. The more time we focus on obsessing over our appearances, the less time we have to be a light for others.

Truth is, dressing in either extreme is against God's plan for us. Dressing in too little or too much are BOTH problems. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

-Will people be surprised to know I am a Christian because of how I dress?

-How much time do I spend obsessing over what I am going to wear?

-Do I break down if my hair or makeup isn't absolutely perfect?

-Will this lead people closer to Christ or further away? Am I shining a light?

-Am I doing this to be liked by others or for attention? (I know that not everyone necessarily does, but it's good to check in with yourself about this.)

-Do I stand in front of the mirror and cry or refuse to go out because I feel 'fat' or hate my appearance? Am I obsessing too much over society's opinion of beauty?

-Does this outfit put the focus where it needs to be? Does it let my heart shine out more? Or is it focused on how proud of my body I am, or how proud I am of the stuff I buy?

-Will participating in this particular event shine a light, or display a lack of humility on my end?


At the heart of the modesty issue is humility, our hearts, and being closer to God. If we are weighed down or preoccupied with our appearance, we cannot be the people He has called us to be. If we parade around to get people to look at our bodies or outfit, that is not being modest.

Modesty is more than what you wear; it's a total mindset. With modesty, you want God more than you want to look good. With modesty, it frees you from being anything more than what God made you to be. With modesty, there is no need to measure up to worldly standards that pass with time. You don't constantly stress about being the prettiest or the trendiest. 

Is it wrong to be pretty and feminine? Nope, not at all. As a matter of fact, one of the greek words that show up mean 'orderly'. Which also means that you do look well kept, but that you don't over do it. 

 But it's worth it to consider whether or not how obsessed we are with it. There are things that matter far more than how we look on any given day. 

When our time is focused more on growing closer to God, each other, and serving other people, there is truly an overflowing well of joy to drink from! The physical things of this world do not satisfy the way God can.

You're beautiful just the way God made you. And I sincerely hope when you read this, you believe it and live it.

Love,

Chelsea

Forgive You, Forgive You Not

Dear Sisters in Christ,

I think all of us at one point or another have had that one person that hurt us far more deeply than we could ever imagine. It strikes our hearts in such a way, that we aren't sure if we will ever be the same again.

Before we begin to understand what is happening, roots of bitterness take root in our hearts. It consumes us, body, and soul. We spend most of our waking moments angry, and unable to let go. We want the worst for them, or we want them to hurt as we have hurt. So we constantly lash out, bare our teeth, and speak venom to the one who has wronged us. 

I have been there. There was one person in my life who, for the longest time, I could not get along with. I was so, so angry. I was hurt. I was broken for how they treated me and the fact that we couldn't seem to find reconciliation. I wanted this person to understand how they had hurt me.

And the thing was, I couldn't see the bitterness in my life. I couldn't see how refusing to let go was destroying me from the inside out. When I finally realized that I was, in fact, refusing to forgive, it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I realized how miserable and unhappy I was. 

All because I refused to let go. Because I felt there was a score to settle.

Then, once I chose to truly let go and forgive, it changed everything. My joy returned, and bitterness left. Life began to blossom before me.

First, let me begin by talking about what forgiveness is, and isn't.

• Forgiveness does not equal giving back trust. While I was able to reach reconciliation with the person I had struggles with, I know that this is not the case for everyone. And, even if you forgive someone, trust is not always wise to give, depending on what the person has done.
• Forgiveness does not mean that you forget. This is so, so wrong. When you get hurt, it changes you and can leave painful scars. 
• Forgiveness DOES mean that you cancel whatever debt you feel they owe you. You let it go. However, this does not mean that they won't receive consequences for their actions. Revenge belongs to God, and He promises that He will handle whatever wrongs have been done to us or those we love. (Romans 12:19.) When we choose to take vengeance into our own hands, it means we do not trust God enough to handle it himself. 
• Forgiveness does not mean that justice is not sought. In the case of someone who has severely hurt other people (sexual assault, molesters, murderers, etc.)these people do need to be behind bars, as to prevent them from hurting other people. This is not revenge, but simply seeking out the interests of others. 
• Forgiveness means that if at all possible, you seek good for them. You pray for them. If you have to interact with them, you treat with kindness and generosity, even if they haven't done the same to you. 

Jesus said in Luke 6:27-28: "But I say to those that hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you."

He also says, "If you do not forgive other's trespasses, neither will God forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:15.)

Truth is, (and I am definitely speaking from experience here) refusing to forgive eats at you from the inside out. It's like a thorny vine that takes root in your heart and mind, and consumes you with pain, and bitterness. You cannot bear the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) especially love and joy. 

When we allow bitterness to choke our souls, nothing good comes from it. It puts more hatred into the world, instead of healing it. Whatever is in our hearts is going to flow back out into the world. Proverbs 4:23 says that we need to guard our hearts, because our hearts are like a spring, or a river. 

And, girl, let me just say this: If your heart's spring water is salty, that's exactly what is going to flow out of you. 

This isn't scripture, but I like this quote as well: "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

So here's the crux of the matter: Forgiveness is more for us and our hearts than it is for the other person. Allowing bitterness and resentment into our hearts is a sure fire way to destroy our spiritual lives, and our physical lives as well. Refusing to forgive makes us unbearable people, and in turn, makes the world a slightly more unbearable place. We need to be above that as followers of Christ, and pour more light and love into the world. 

Love,

Chelsea

Getting To The Heart of Worship

Dear Sisters in Christ, 

Even in the best of times, worship isn't always easy. When we sit in that pew (or at home, like most of us are at the moment!) it can difficult not to treat worship as another "spiritual checklist" item that we just have to do. 

I believe the best direction for this is to go back and dig into what it really means to worship, and what it is all about. Worship falls into two categories and there are some differences. One, there is worship with other believers where there are two or more. Then there is worship that occurs when you're on your own. 


Worship in a Group

Ephesians 5:19

Worship with other believers is extremely important. God has told us so. We read especially in Ephesians 5:19 as well as Colossians 3:16 as to why it is so important.

For one, singing as a group is encouraging and uplifting. We are collectively "speaking" to each other about God's word and His glory. As Colossians 3:16 says that when we sing together, we are "...teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom".

Think of worship as a group of people who are teaching each other about God all at once. When we use our voices collectively, and our hearts are all in it to encourage, it's a very powerful thing. In this situation, God's word is amplified and reinforced inside of our hearts. We praise God together and lift Him up together.

This is one reason I am a big proponent of congregational, a capella singing in worship. It is simple, but powerful. I don't want to go into the more technical reasoning for this particular article, such as historical and things having to do with translations from the Greek New Testament. But, I would be happy to talk about those things in a private message if you're interested.

But the basic point here is that, singing together as a group is obviously important. The Holy Spirit would not have moved Paul to state such in his writings if it were not the case.

The key thing to remember is that, when it comes to our worship, God must be at the center of it all. Worship is not meant to be a performance or to put any one person on a pedestal. This is one big reason I believe in for keeping worship as simple as possible. 

I don't want to judge people's hearts, nor am I trying to. I just believe that it is a very slippery slope to walk on by turning worship into more of a performance to where we put so much emphasis on people leading the worship. That can, and does happen. The more we can make it about God, and less about the people, the better.

Worship becomes a truly beautiful thing when people's hearts are engaged to praise God with thankfulness and sincerity. It is also truly beautiful to encourage and teach one another. This is what it means to worship in Spirit, and in truth. (John 4:24.)

Worship By Yourself

How often do we take for just us and God?

Really think about it. We need other people, yes. But we also need to cultivate our own relationship with Him.

Jesus died to have a reconciled relationship with us. With YOU.

When you pray, is it just a list of requests? How often in our prayers do we really take the time to praise and also really thank Him?

When you find yourself in awe of something in nature, whether it is a summer thunderstorm, the blossoming of the flowers in spring, or the beating of a hummingbird's wings...how often do we pause to praise God for it? God is so infinitely amazing. He deserves so much more than the scraps we give Him!

Do we thank Him for the little things: The joyful giggle of a child we love? That our refrigerators are overflowing with food, even if it isn't fancy? That we live in a safe place? That we have a roof over our heads? He has blessed us so much, and it should humble us that He has thought of us. 

But He does. We are His precious children, and He is our beloved Father. Every good and perfect gift is from above. (James 1:17, 1 John 3:1.) When God has given us so much, done so much, why wouldn't we thank Him and praise Him for it? Why wouldn't we want to know more about this incredible Father who can number every hair on our heads and grains of sand along the beaches?

The time we spend by ourselves praising God and praying to  him in nature, on our front porches, and in our rooms is precious time. We should be taking more time to commune with Him in that way. If we don't have the time, well, your life is far too busy, my friend.

When we read the Psalms, we see people describing their relationships to Him. We see people, such as David, writing Psalms in worship to God based on things He saw in nature, and prayers of thankfulness. (Psalm 19:1, Psalm 138:1-2.)

We don't have to be eloquent writers like David to praise God and worship Him on our own. I challenge you to take a little time every day to really dig deep with Him, and praise Him. You will be immensely blessed by it, for sure.

 

Sing about it. Pray about it. Lift up His Holy name!

The more we make worship a priority in our life, the closer we get to God. Look and see the fruit He can bear in our lives when we put Him first.

Love,

Chelsea

Kicking Guilt and Shame to the Curb

Dear Sisters in Christ,

We all have royally messed up, big time. I am most definitely no exception. Sin can make things really messy, and there can be a lot of regret.

Sometimes, also, we tend to feel such deep regret and shame for a long time. Ladies, it is a mistake to allow that shame to rule your life. Do we need to be aware and make sure we try not to fall into the trap of sin again? Absolutely! But God never intended for you to hang onto that shame and guilt. God cannot use those who get stuck in unbelief and faithlessness. And that is a serious problem.

Here are some things to remember when dealing with shame and regret.

God Has Forgiven You

This is the most important. You realize that when you have asked for forgiveness as a child of God, God forgives and does not hold it against you. (1 John 1:9.)

We all know the story of Paul. He was basically a murderer. He threw Christians into prison, and had them killed. But when he encountered Christ, his life completely changed. He came to understand that what he’d done was very, very wrong. If God can forgive that, He can forgive anything. He can, in fact, forgive you. (1 Timothy 1:15-16.)

There are many more examples I can give. All throughout scripture, we see people who had royally messed up. We see people who did awful things. But somehow or another, God made a way to come into their hearts and change them. God is truly a God of making beauty out of messy situations. If God can handle that mess and others, He is more than capable of handing your mess as well.



Challenge the Negative Thoughts
The bible talks a lot about the heart. Much of what Jesus talked about in his ministry has much to do about the state of our hearts. You see, the state our hearts are in has an impact on our spiritual lives and our relationship to God.

Proverbs 4:23 says this: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

In counseling, part of the method of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is learning to challenge negative thoughts, and the concept itself is actually very biblical. A big part of guarding your heart centers a lot around challenging thoughts that are not in line with God’s truth.

2nd Corinthians 10:5 says, “We destroy arguments and every and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

As Christians, we challenge things that are not truthful, including our own thoughts. Especially our own thoughts. If a thought comes through that says we couldn’t possibly be forgiven, that we are not enough, or that God doesn’t love us, we need to challenge it. We must take that thought ‘captive’ and compare it to what we know is true. We must recall what scripture says about the love, grace, and forgiveness God has for us. (John 3:16, 1 John 3:1, 1 John 4:19, Romans 8:37-39, 1 John 1:9, Ephesians 1:7, Psalm 103:12.) 

Those thoughts are lies being fed to us by the enemy. (James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8.) So, knowing this, we must fight them.

As mentioned above, if we allow these thoughts to control us and become our identity, God cannot use us in that state. Whatever state our heart is in often becomes our reality. It is only when we start challenging those lies that we can truly accept God’s calling for our lives. I’ve mentioned this before in a previous article, but a real relationship cannot exist where one rejects or denies another’s love. It is the same in our relationship with God. We have to accept His love, and decide to accept ourselves before God can truly work in us and change us.


Understanding Temptation
I’m adding this in because I feel that this is very applicable. I think oftentimes we tend to feel shame about temptations we face. Let me make this very clear: temptation in and of itself is not sin!

Jesus Himself was tempted (Matthew 4:1-11, Luke 4:1-13, Mark 1:12-13.) But, He did not sin. Just because you feel an urge to behave in a certain way does not mean that you have to act on it. Acting on our fleshly side is sin, whether it is in the heart or things we choose to physically do through our actions.

Paul talked about this as well in Romans 7:15-16: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I admit that the law is good.”

I really recommend reading verses 10-25 on your own. See, Paul is making the point that sinful desire can be strong. It is the result of living in a broken world. And the feelings you have to want to sin, dear sisters, are normal to all who live in this world. Whatever the temptation is for you-gossip, sexual immorality, wrath, jealousy, faithlessness, lust, etc.-please understand that you are not bad for having temptation.

Jesus understands that the desires of the flesh are strong. He’s been there. He knows. But the key is to put the will of God above the way you may be feeling at the time. It’s hard. Goodness knows, I totally get it.

Because all temptation is so common (1 Corinthians 10:13) you have to remember that you are not alone. You are not the only one struggling with whatever sin it is that weighs you down. It’s hard, but talk to God about how you are feeling in detail. Talk to someone else who has earned the right to hear your story. Shine a light on the darkness.

I hate to tell you this, but, you’re going to struggle with that temptation to sin your whole life. But you know what? God is faithful. He will give you ways of escape. He IS our escape (1 Corinthians 10:13.) And if you mess up, get up and try again, and build your resolve to try harder. Open up more about the problem.

Stop living in shame. Jesus suffered far too much, and gave too much for you to feel such deep, debilitating shame over being tempted. With all of the blessings and rich grace that He bestows upon His children, you can make it! God does not leave His children without a way to fight. 

Which leads us to the last part...


He Came to Give you an Abundant Life
We will have hard times in our lives. We live in a messy, messy world, ladies. However, that does not mean that God intended for our lives to be awful all the way through. One of the fruits of the spirit is Joy. (Galatians 5:22-23.) Joy doesn’t mean that we are energetically happy all the time. It means that, no matter your circumstance, you find contentment, and find ways to find the blessing and the good. You remember that God is in control, and will take care of you, no matter what.

Knowing what we talked about in a previous section, Jesus came to give us a more abundant, beautiful life. The enemy (Satan) seeks to destroy us in any way possible that he can. And if he can separate you from God by destroying your belief and faith in God, he can do it if we allow him. (John 10:9-11, 1 Peter 5:8.)

We have to remain vigilant. Allowing shame to overwhelm us and distort our view of God will lead us further away from Him. Identifying where we are weakest, and accepting that it’s an issue for us is where we begin. Identifying that we are weak and need God is where we start. (2 Corinthians 12:9, Proverbs 3:5-6.)

When we really open up to God about what’s going on with us, and are raw and honest, just watch and see how He works in your heart. Will the temptations still be there? Unfortunately, yes. Will the difficulties of life also be there? Also, yes. But God gives joy, peace, and contentment. (Philippians 4:7, 11.)

Everyone has a past, and painful things that occurred. We’ve all made dumb mistakes at different points that we wish we could undo. But God is faithful, and powerful enough to make a beautiful story out of your mess. Believe it, and release your shame, your sorrow and your doubt. Run into God’s open arms, and truly allow Him to love you and bestow the forgiveness He has for you. 

Believe in your salvation, and accept that God has given it to you. Believe what God says of you. (1 John 5:11-15)

If you’re reading this and you are not a follower of Christ, and you worry about coming to God because of your past, I want to give you some comfort. God is not looking for perfect people to follow Him. He’s not looking for the most morally competent (who is completely morally competent?) Never once has God called perfect people to His work. Everyone He called was a broken mess in one way or another. The work He did in their lives was incredible, and He wants to do the same for you. He wants a relationship with you, and to have you reconciled to Him. He loves you like crazy, dear one. As your Heavenly Father, He wants the best for you and wants to give you peace, purpose, and a beautiful existence that honors Him.

If you want to know more about what God expects from your life, feel free to drop me a message. I’ll be more than happy to chat with you. Whatever you need, whether you are a Christian, or whether you’re searching, I am here to try and point you in the right direction if you want it.


Love,


Chelsea