2020: Finding the Beauty in Trials

Dear Sisters in Christ, 

2020.

I think most everyone can agree that this has been one of the hardest years in many of our lifetimes. So much happened all at once to so many of us. I have cried so much this year, and have had my heart break in so many ways.

Early this year, I faced a traumatic event that impacted me in a profound way, and sent me into another struggle with my mental health. I made a LOT of mistakes this year. Then, add in the social distancing, and being stuck at home so much, it was a perfect storm. Despite being an introvert, I can't say that I want to be home all the time. 

Add in the stress of everything else going on politically and socially; and then, at the smack-end of the year, around thanksgiving, my gallbladder decided it hates me, and become basically bed-bound for almost two weeks.

However, despite these things, I see that they have been desperately needed in my life. All of these things have struck me upside the head, stretched me thin, woken me up, and forced me to grow. 

Somehow, I think the biggest thing that has come from this year is that I have been forced to run back to God time and time again.

Within the insanity, He is my peace, my anchor, my constant. Even times when I have felt terribly lonely this year, He has been a friend that I know that I can always turn to. 

This year has also been challenging me by way of forcing me to develop stronger boundaries with myself, and others. The biggest way comes down to the fact that I struggle with being a "fixer". I sometimes bear the weight of the world too much on my shoulders. I allow the things people do to pull me down far too much. I often feel like I have to give advice or try to fix situations that are basically a dead end. 

I can't make people do the right thing. I can't stop people from making self-destructive choices. I can't stop dishonesty. I can't stop people choosing to be ugly to fellow people made in the image of God. I can't make anyone do anything.

I can't save people. That's God's job. And unfortunately, I realized that I was trying to take on what was supposed to be His job in some situations. And that is a really hard pill to swallow, my friends. God has a profound way of humbling you.

What can I do? Love them. Pray for them. I can also warn them; but I can't beat a dead horse. I have to learn to simply say my peace, and walk away, and leave people to do what they are ultimately going to do. I have to leave them to live as they choose, even if it means they get seriously hurt. 

And even if it means my heart breaks too.

And, in the end, I absolutely cannot let that destroy my peace. While it may hurt, sometimes unbearably, my hope, my peace, my strength, and my joy is in the Lord. Whatever happens, or however I may feel at any given moment, God will hold steady in my heart. 

Coming off of this, I also came to the realization that I had developed an unhealthy relationship with Facebook. It had gotten to the point that I began allowing what people posted to get to me far too much. 

I took a break, and began working on ways to, whenever I get back on, to have better boundaries with it. I don't ever want to allow a social media platform to have so much power over my emotions ever again.

It may seem silly, but I think this is more of a problem for a lot people than they might admit. This year has ultimately showed the full-blown negative side of the media in so many ways. The internet gives people a bravery to say so many things they wouldn't normally. And that can be a very negative thing. 

The older I get, the more I find that, when it comes to controversial subjects, much more gets accomplished speaking face to face rather than over the internet on a social media platform. When speaking face to face, and two people have a mutual respect for each other, more change happens that way than on the internet. 

I want to help facilitate change in the world. But it isn't going to happen debating on social media. 

I can change the world by sharing my heart; whether through my writing, by loving my foster sisters and brothers; being kind, non-judgmental, and gracious to strangers; and offering up acts of kindness to people in need; listening to, and sharing in others' pain. 

And sometimes, this listening can be terribly uncomfortable; especially when we are told things that challenge what we've always thought. That is how we inspire change: by using our talents and spreading love in real life. That is the kind of life I ultimately want to live. 

I don't want to live a life through a screen that only tells half of the story. I want to live an abundant life; a raw, honest, open, loving one that honors my Father in heaven. 

And that, my dear friends, is ultimately what 2020 has taught to me this year. 

While this year may have been so difficult, I am going to let the year go. And when I walk into 2021, I will walk in stronger, and wiser, and even more sure of my God's love for me.

What other image would I possibly put here? Haha

I hope and pray the same for you as well. 

Love, 

Chelsea

When You Judge that Girl's body or Outfit, It's Hurting You Spiritually.

Dear Sisters In Christ,

Being a plus sized woman, I have heard it all about what I should or shouldn't wear: 

-No stripes. They make your body look wider. 

-No leggings, ever. Or skinny jeans. Not attractive on fat legs.

-No ballgowns. They Will make you look like you are taking up more space. 

- I have even heard people say that bright colors look bad on plus sized bodies. 

 So, basically what it boils down to is this: In order to appease society at large and not offend them with our bigness, we should never leave our home; and if we do, we MUST wear as dreary and billowy clothes as possible at all times. No one can ever notice or see that we are larger people. We must fade into the background as to not offend those sensitive to legs, stomachs, arms, and booties with a larger circumference.     

 In this article, I would like to tackle where these ideas come from, because, I find them to be horribly ridiculous. I also want to address the spiritual implications of such ideas. Whether people want to admit it or not, these statements are largely based in fat phobia. I am sure some people who are reading this are probably getting defensive as they have probably said some of these things themselves and even believe them. I am sure some of you are saying, "But, some things just look bad on big bodies!" 

Okay then. Let's challenge that. Who decided that? Like, seriously, WHO? What standard are you using to say something looks bad? Have you ever really thought this through as to why? If we are truly honest with ourselves, we would realize that these standards come from society itself. From Hollywood. From the Fashion industry. 

 We have been conditioned by society to view plus sized bodies as bad and/or disgusting. So many plus size women and girls have been convinced that, because their bodies are offensive, they should never wear certain things and try to hide themselves. They have been taught to be ashamed of their bodies.

I can't tell you how many times I have heard fellow sisters in Christ point at someone and say things like these:, "Um, why is she wearing that? Her thighs are way too big for those shorts!" "Someone her size shouldn't be wearing a ballgown on her wedding day." "Ugh. Why in the world is that girl wearing leggings? Doesn't she know that big girls look awful in them?" 

Statements like these make me extremely uncomfortable. For one, it's gossip, plain and simple. Yes, observations can be gossip too. Gossip, plain and simple, is saying things behind another person's back that you have no intention of saying to their face. You know what scripture says about gossipers? They are included in a list of sins that are worthy of death. So, you know, we really ought to take it very seriously when God tells us to mind our tongues. (Romans 1:8-22.)

So, next question; what are you looking for? So many of us are super tuned into judging ourselves and others over appearances, and we don't even pause to consider it. It is so ingrained into many of us. Even as Christian women, despite having been told time and time again that the heart matters infinitely more (1 Samuel 16:7, 1 Peter 3:3-4), we still find ourselves overly in tune with judging others' appearances...or worrying that our bodies will offend other people. 

Ladies, when we are too focused on appearances, it hurts us spiritually. Instead of seeing the person's beautiful soul, or the light in their eyes, we are judging them based on worldly standards and we end up leaving God out of the equation. 

When we see ours or someone else's bodies as bad or disgusting, we believe a lie. Again, these judgments we make are based on the idea of fat phobia and what society has deemed undesirable. 

But, some may argue: "It's unhealthy to be overweight or obese. We shouldn't be glorifying it or saying it is a good thing." 

There are a few problems with this statement. One, there are many reasons a person can have weight problems. There are quite a few health conditions and even medications that can lead to weight gain. Someone may be in a tough spot emotionally; or economically and can't afford healthy food at a point in time. Maybe they have a condition that causes severe fatigue, or pain that interferes with exercise. 

Also, food addiction and binge eating disorder are real things. Some people turn to drugs. Some turn to sex or porn. Some turn to TV. And yes, someone else may turn to food.You don't know the ways in which people are struggling. Nearly every one has some sort of bad habit that they use to deal with their problems. And since most of us do have these bad habits in one form of another, we have no right to judge one another for them.

 And also, there are some people who do exercise and eat well. And you know what? They have naturally larger bodies. Many plus sized models are actually this way, believe it or not. 

People shouldn't have to stand there and vomit their entire medical or emotional history just for you to respect them as a fellow human being.

And someone simply living their lives, or sharing their joy on social media is not glorifying obesity. They have every right to enjoy their lives and share about it just as much as you do. They shouldn't have to hide in the shadows just because of their weight or appearance.

Being a Christian is about growing to be more like Christ and having our focus more on what He focused on. When Jesus was going through His ministry, as God in the flesh, He had the ability to look into the hearts of the people. He showed compassion, and always knew the best way to respond based on what was in their hearts.

We, not being God in the slightest, do not have that ability. So that means we ought to do the next best thing: love fiercely, and be wholly compassionate. We must get to know people to figure out what their needs are and how we can best be there for them in their circumstances. There is a quote from Mother Teresa that says it best: "If you judge others, you have no time to love them."

The more time we spend making assumptions, turning up our noses, living in disgust of their bodies or outfits, the less time we have to be the servants that our God has called us to be. Those thoughts and actions prevent us from sharing the goodness of God with others. 

We have to begin by challenging every thought and idea that invades our minds. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive and make it obey Christ..."

As Christians we need to be getting in the habit of challenging every single idea, from us, from others, and society at large. We must always be seeing if they hold up to the word of God. If it is something contrary to the word of God, then we need to make it something that is obedient to Christ. 

For example, in this situation, let's say you see someone who doesn't look the way you think they should look. You begin thinking or saying things like, "Man, they need to lay off the donuts",  or "That girl is too fat/skinny/whatever for that outfit". It could be more than things having to deal with weight. It could also be making assumptions about others when you only have what you are seeing in that moment (i.e., making assumptions about a Mom with a bunch of different kids of different races/heritages and using food stamps)

Train yourself to stop and compare those thoughts with scripture. Break it down. Ask yourself if these statements, thoughts, or actions are honoring to God and people. Ask yourself how much you actually know about the person you are judging. Consider if these thoughts have the potential to prevent you from seeing them as made in the image of God and loving them properly. If so, you need to let them go. 

I want to make the point that I'm not really talking about modesty. I am simply talking about the ways in which we tend to judge people for their bodies and appearances, which is something we really need to be careful of. 

Sisters, Jesus came to give you an abundant life. We have to let go of anything that gets in the way of us fully loving God, others, as well as ourselves. We have to let go, ignore, and challenge any thoughts or ideas we have in the light of God's word. When we hang on to societal ideals that are not in line with scripture, the more weighed down we feel; the pettier we will act towards ourselves and others. Joy, peace, love, and other fruits cannot thrive when our hearts are weighed down by thoughts and ideas contrary to God.

We will never be perfect. But when you challenge those thoughts that aren't from God in the first place, the more light radiates from within. This light will draw others in. The Gospel is for every soul regardless of what they look like, or whatever standards society believes they should fulfill. 

Please know that regardless of what you look like, you precious in God's sight. He made you so specially and perfectly. Let that little light of yours shine.

Love,

Chelsea

I'm Going to Quit...

 Dear Sisters in Christ,

We are now in the final leg of 2020; and in a few months, it will be over. This year has been completely nuts. No other way to describe it. I don't know what 2021 will bring, but there are things I hope for, yearn for. (Like, Christmas.)

I haven't written much on my blog the past few weeks, mostly because I felt so rotten, physically and mentally. I didn't want to do very much, and I had horrible, horrible fatigue. I always have fatigue, but it was much worse than what it usually was. I sincerely didn't feel like my brain was functioning at full capacity. I was stumbling over things, physically, as well as my words. 

But despite this year's difficulties, there has been a lot of clarity on things in my life, and the world. The past few weeks and months are opening my eyes to a lot of things. Despite 2020 being a bit of a train wreck, I know that it is just one blip in my journey. 

So. I'm just going to quit...

Not really; though I do feel like this a lot of days. ^^^

I'm going to quit putting so much time into things that steal my focus. 

Why should I put focus on things that direct my attention away from God, and my purpose in life?

And, I am finding, those things can be seriously sneaky. You know what they are: 

-Those extra "few minutes" binge-watching a TV show

-Choosing to argue with someone on the internet in a conversation that is very obviously not going to go anywhere (I've really gotta stop getting sucked into those.)

-THE NEWS. 

-Making little excuses not to do the important things. 

There are many other things we can probably name as well.

I don't have enough energy to pour into things that take away my focus from where it needs to be. I am finding when I pour that energy into mundane things constantly, the more my joy is robbed, and the less I feel as if I am truly living out my purpose. 

So what do I need to do? The answer is simple, but difficult: Put my focus back on God.

I'm going to quit forgetting that God is my Strength when I feel like I have none.

The other day, I found myself in prayer. In the face of depression and mental health issues, you can feel empty, drained, and exhausted for no good reason. You can feel completely numb, without any desire to do anything. 

I asked God how I was supposed to find that strength to just do basic life right now. Mostly because I just didn't feel like I had it in me.

Then, two scriptures came to my memory:

"The Lord is my strength and shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him. The Lord is the strength of His people; He is the saving refuge of His anointed." (Psalm 28:7)

"The name of the Lord is a strong Tower; the righteous run to it, and are safe." (Proverbs 18:10)

Here's what I am realizing. We don't need strength of our own. God is our strength. When we are weary, all we need to do is run to Him, pour our hearts out to Him, and just rest in His presence. When we truly trust in Him, and  live in thankfulness, He is our rest and our strength. (Matthew 11:28-30.)

In our weakest moments, in our human frailty, God accomplishes everything we cannot. In the times we have nothing, He is absolutely everything.

I am going to quit complaining about how terrible the world is right now.

Things are tough. They have always been tough. Ever since the fall of Eden, things are going to be hard. That's just how it is. 

On this side of heaven, there will always be disease. There will always be pain. There will always be people creating division. There will always be hatred. 

No, I am not saying that we can't do things about it, or taking a "Hakuna Matata" attitude. 

However, I am saying that there are ways to find joy. There are ways to find the good. I had a child ask me recently, "Why are you trying so hard to find the good, especially with how bad this year has been?"

My response was simply this: "That is how we survive."

God makes it very clear in His word that we are going to face tough times (1 Peter 4:12.) However, the presence of difficulties doesn't mean that we can't find peace or joy. As a matter of fact, two of the fruits of the Spirit are peace and joy. Going deeper into a relationship with God, and growing with the Spirit means those two qualities are going to develop as well. 

In Philippians 4:6-7, it says: "....do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

A relationship with God creates peace within a person that continues to grow over time. Spending time in prayer and in scripture gives a peace that doesn't make sense to the rest of the world. And yet, the evidence is there, in a person who chooses to keep clinging to God. They are a person that, though they may have their anxieties and struggles, there is still a peace, and a light that emanates from them. I want to continue to be more like that.

To conclude, the closer I get to my Father, the more I fall in love with Him, the more I know that everything is going to be okay somehow. Is my depression or anxiety or OCD cured? No. God is not going to just take our struggles away. 

But these things get easier to deal with the more I open my hands and release my control over them. I don't have to be "strong". I don't have to have it all together; because, my Father does. And the more I pursue a relationship with Him, the more He does the healing and changing in my heart.

Love, 

Chelsea

Fruit of the Spirit: Joy

Dear Sisters in Christ,

I have had more times in my life than I can count where I have felt completely broken. I've lost a parent who struggled with addiction. I was bullied as a child. I've lost friends. I have had my heart broken. I've struggled with mental health issues. I've had rocky relationships with loved ones. I've made terrible decisions that cost me greatly. 

The list could go on and on. My life has not been easy.

When you hit low points, sometimes it can be hard to find happiness, and it can feel as if you will never find it again. With how difficult life can be, it is easy to wonder how to actually have 'joy' as a fruit of the spirit.

Life is hard. 

Dictionary.com defines Joy in this way: "the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation..."

And, due to that definition, I think that is where we miss the mark on what biblical joy is. 

Friend, let me tell you: Biblical joy isn't about feeling elatedly happy all the time. Due to the nature of our broken world, that is impossible. So stop putting irrational pressure on yourself to walk around like a dopey Cheshire cat.

Let's talk about the Apostle Paul. He endured many hardships following after Christ. Here's a list of some of the things he went through:

-Imprisonment

-Regret over causing others to suffer

-Whippings/beatings

-Shipwrecks

-Insomnia

-Division/Perils

-Hunger/Thirst

-Cold/Nakedness

(1 Corinthians 11:23-28)

And also, probably much more that isn't mentioned. Paul also mentions having a "thorn in the flesh" (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). We aren't entirely sure what said thorn was. Paul doesn't tell us. However, what we do know was that it was something that caused him much emotional distress.

He begged God to take away the problem. However, when it came down to it, God said no. God told Paul that "...my grace is sufficient for you, and my strength is made perfect in weakness." (vs. 9). Paul accepted God's word to him on the issue. Then he says, "...therefore I am content with weaknesses, with insults, with troubles, with persecutions, and difficulties for the sake of Christ, for whenever I am weak, therefore I am strong." (vs. 10)

In James 1:2, James talks about how facing trials forces us to grow and get stronger. He says there is great joy to be found in that fact. We can look at difficult times and know that, God is walking through with us and that He is our strength (Psalm 46:1-3, Proverbs 18:10). Joy comes when we can look at a situation and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our God has got us. No matter what the future holds, even with things get dark, we can be content and know that things will be okay. (Philippians 4:11-13.)

Joy is a light, a candle in the darkness. With the Holy Spirit in us, it stays lit no matter what comes. We may feel hurt, but that spark can keep us going. 

To conclude, Joy is contentment regardless of our circumstances. It also holds hands with the fruits of Peace and Hope, which carry us through whatever we may face (which we will discuss at later times.)

If you're having trouble finding Joy today, I hope that this helps you find at least a little to carry you through.

Love,

Chelsea.

Fruit of the Spirit: Love, the Center of the Christian Life

Dear Sisters in Christ,

Over the next 9 weeks, I am going to put the focus on this blog towards learning about the fruits of the spirit. Bearing fruit is something I have personally wanted to study even more about. I want to know more about what these different fruits look like in our lives, and how to better develop them. 

As a reminder, they are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, Faithfulness, and Self-Control. (Galatians 5)

The fruit of the Spirit are qualities that develop in a person when they allow the Holy Spirit to work in their lives. And the first one listed is love (greek term, agape). And anyone who has done any sort of study in scripture has at least some idea of how crucial love is to our walk with God.

In the original Greek translation of the New Testament, Agape, one type of love described, goes beyond a feeling we have. There is some feeling involved, but over all, Agape is mostly a choice. Agape love says that, no matter how I feel, or what this person has done, I am going to choose to do good to them. It means you put their needs above yours. In every situation, you choose to lead with compassion and humility. It sometimes could mean that you sacrifice something.

 No, it does not mean you allow abuse or toxic behavior. However, it does mean that you leave revenge and justice in God's hands (Romans 12:19). How God does that and how He works is a whole other topic in itself. 

It's a crazy time we are living in, is it not? We are living through a pandemic. We are fighting over whether or not to wear masks. It's a Presidential election year. I could go through a whole list of things, but we all know the big things that are going on. 

In the midst of this craziness, it is easy to forget what matters the most. When there is so much controversy, it's hard to slow down.

But, we need to do just that. When we go too fast in our lives, we turn our eyes away from God. Our hands turn the steering wheel in the opposite direction. We drive down a dead end dirt road at 100 mph in the dead of night. Where love leaves, chaos and pain ensue.

Slow down. Bite your tongue, and take your fingers off of the keyboard. Walk away from the urge to argue pointless things. With everything going on, it is so easy to allow love to fall out of our grasp.

As Christians, we ought to be about two things all of the time: Loving God, and loving people. Everything else is not worth sacrificing these two most important things.

"And when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with a question: 'Teacher, which commandment is the greatest in the law?'

Jesus declared, 'Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:34-38.)                                                                                        

In His ministry, Jesus told His followers and the people listening that the most important laws above all others were to love God, and love others. These two laws should be the center of our walks with God. If we get these wrong, well, my dear friends, we get EVERYTHING else wrong.

Every command given to us comes off of these in one way or another. Love is what should drive our hearts to honor God and people. Anything that dishonors or disrespects God or our fellow man is sin. 

"If I speak in the language of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all that I have, and deliver myself to be a martyr, but have no love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

You can have all the biblical knowledge in the world. You can say all the right things, convince an entire crowd of something in God's law. You can believe these things with all your heart. Yet, if you do not walk in love, none of these things matter. 

Because God is love (1 John 4:7-8), we cannot begin to even get close to His heart if we are filled with hatred and disdain for our fellow man. Many of the Pharisees were very much this way. They tried to make themselves look as good and righteous as they possibly could. 

Yet, they had no real relationship with God. They worshipped and loved the law itself rather than God. Many of them also had no love for their fellow man and those they considered beneath them. They gave and donated money not out of love or care for others, but just to complete a checklist to appease God.

Are you this way? Really think and consider. Do you tend to go through the motions of our weekly religious traditions? Do the songs and hymns we sing in worship not move your heart in any way? Are you filled with awe of God's love for you? Do you really consider the place the lesson has in your life? How often do you spend time in service to others in some way? Do you speak with God as if He is actually your Father? Do you see Him that way?

Ask yourself these questions. God is looking for people to love Him and people.

Challenge yourself. Compare yourself to the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

-Are you patient and kind? (v. 4)

-Do you get jealous of others a lot? Or, do you constantly compare your life to others and get down about what you don't have? (v. 4)

-Do you often think things like "At least I'm not doing what he/she's doing!" (v. 4)

-Do you tend to not think much about what you say before you say it? Do you have no filter? Do you say things that are inappropriate to other people? (v. 5)

-Do you think more often of yourself? Do you get irritated when others don't do things the way you think it ought to be done? Do you lash out at others when things don't go your way? (v. 5)

-Do you allow your bad moods to determine how you treat others? (v. 5)

-Do you find yourself getting happy when someone gets their 'just desserts' (not talking about righteous justice, but vengeance)? Do you laugh when someone is humiliated in some way, no matter who it is? Do you tend to laugh at things that are out of step with what love is (dishonoring to God, and dishonoring to your fellow man.)? Do you sometimes not speak up when wrong is being committed (abuse, harassment, prejudice, etc....)? (v. 6)

-Do you give up when things get hard or shut down? Do you lose hope? Do you patiently wait things out and never give up? (v. 7)

None of us will ever be completely perfect in any of the things above, as we are imperfect, broken people. However, the closer we move to God, the more He helps us to learn and understand more of what love truly is. The closer we get to Him and love Him more, the more He helps us love people even better. 

In 1 John 4:7-21, we learn that God Himself is love.  All the qualities in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 are traits that God Himself has. When we move closer in a relationship with God, the more we start to look like Him.

Love impacts the growth of all the other fruits of the spirit. If you have not love for God or fellow man, you cannot hope to properly bear the other fruits in your life. Love moves you to act. When love (Agape) takes over someone's heart, they don't stay stationary. They are moved to hold a hand to the broken, the marginalized, the poor, and sick. They are moved to tell the world of a Father who loves them and wants to show them that love. 

This love does not stay confined to a pew, or within the confines of a church building or one's home. Love branches out, explodes; and it changes every interaction someone has with people of the world. 

God's love moved my heart. Though I am not perfect, He continues to move my heart. I want to be better and I want to be closer to His heart. I am His daughter, and He is my Father. I never, ever want to get to a point where His love doesn't fill me with awe and wonder.

 I want it to move yours, and to know how very deeply loved you are, dear friend. Love is where it begins. And the best part? This love has no end. 

Love,

Chelsea

Letting Go of Bitterness

Dear Sisters in Christ, 

Bitterness is a tough problem. I really believe that it is a problem at one point or another for most. It definitely has been for me.

There was a person in my life that I had a lot of strife with. There was much much anger and hurt. There was a lot of misunderstanding. For years I held onto anger, and continued to hold onto everything that transpired between me and this person. I was miserable. 

I allowed a thorny, twisted vine of bitterness take hold of my heart. It squeezed out so much joy from my life.

This person and I are in a better place now. We aren't angry with each other, and we are able to communicate far better than we did before. 

Bitterness is not something God wants us to hang onto in our lives (Ephesians 4:31-32, Hebrews 12:15.) Bitterness is holding onto anger and refusing to let something go. In Hebrews 12:15, we read that bitterness can cause division and strife within the body of Christ. 

Allowing yourself to hang onto bitterness takes away the joy God wants us to have for our lives. Joy is a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22). When we stay stagnant in bitterness, it keeps us from bearing fruit. Bitterness, like any other sin, prevents us from growing as a person, and growing closer to God and others. It prevents us from loving others as God has called us to do.

Note, I am not talking about how feelings come and go in our lives. When someone hurts us in some way, it is definitely traumatic. But I very much believe we have a choice in whether or not we hang on to that long-term. 

Here's the crux of the matter: when you wallow in bitterness, you give the person that hurt you the power. You are continuing to allow them to control your life. You are allowing them to dictate your life. You are allowing the anger and the hurt to guide your steps and how you respond to things. 

And you know who you aren't allowing to guide your steps? God.

Yes, you heard me right. When we become so obsessed and focused on what someone did, it takes our focus away from where it should be. 

When we take our eyes off of God, and refuse to leave that person in His hands, we choose to be held in bondage. Are you going to remember and have feelings about that situation sometimes? Yes, and you need to acknowledge it. You need to accept that feeling, and you need to honor it. You were hurt. 

And then, you need to take a deep breath, and pray. Pray for yourself, pray for that person. Then you need to allow God and His spirit to comfort you and set you on the right path again. That is taking your hurt and putting it in God's hands. 

Then, use that hurt to help others in need. Learn from it, and help others who are struggling. God works through His people to help the world. 

To conclude, sisters, it is okay to have feelings over being hurt. But do not let that event define you. Do not let feelings of anger, hatred, and wrath consume you. Do not allow it to direct your steps. Only God should have that power. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Take back your joy. You can do it. I believe in you.

Love, 

Chelsea

Don't Let the World Distract You from Your Calling in Christ

Dear Sisters in Christ,

The American Dream seems to permeate so much in our culture; including within the church. You know, white picket-fence living, big backyard, lazy summers, barbecues multiple times a year, big house, million gift Christmases etc.

You know, living without one care in the world. 

Sounds really good, doesn't it? And as Americans, we want to do absolutely anything we can to hang on to that dream and the lifestyle that goes with it. As a culture, we don't particularly enjoy anything that threatens our personal comfort. One need only look at how some are handling this pandemic to know this fact.

The past few years in my personal studies and growing closer to Christ, I question how much this idea of the American Dream is really in keeping with the life we are called to live as Christians. 

In this article, I want to tackle the idea of how materialism might be interfering with our walk with Christ.

When I look at America today, I see quite a few things that disturb me in regard to this issue. It is good to consider how much we spend pouring into earthly things as opposed to spiritual. It is good to consider our priorities in regard to doing good for other people.

I will readily admit that it's impacted me too. I think if most of us were honest, we would admit that we, in some way or fashion, have an issue with materialism. It's a huge part of American culture.

It's not a sin to live in a nice house. That isn't the point. The point I want to talk about is how much you cling to those things, and if they are impeding us in any way from having a relationship with God, and doing good for others. 

As an example, how often do we find ourselves so focused on our daily routines and things of this world every day? Then, when you lay your head down at night, you come to the realization that you gave little or nothing to God during the day. So, you say a little prayer before you fall asleep because you feel like you should, more than pursuing an actual relationship with Him. On another side to this, we get so get so caught up in what we are doing, that we forget that there are others in desperate need as well. 

It's so easy for us to disconnect from the most important things. We are so content and busy enjoying what we have, that we ignore God and others. Or, on the flip side, we are so busy trying to build a perfect physical environment, that we do the same thing.

The Christian life is not meant to be comfortable. (1 Peter 4:12, Ephesians 6:12.) Sure, there are things culturally and blessings we receive that help keep our physical lives comfortable. 

But, how much do we praise and thank God for them, truly? And then, how much do we go out of our way to share our comforts and love with others who need it? The things we have are a gift from God, and we should also try to use them to bless others if we can.

See, that is what the Christian walk is supposed to be about: loving and serving God and others (Matt. 22:34-40, 25:35-40). We have to be careful that we don't allow our minds to be so warped by the "American Dream" that we forget what our calling is supposed to be. 

 

It's a reality check that we have to remind ourselves of often. Being Christians, we should constantly be checking in with ourselves to see how we are growing, improving, and bearing fruit (Colossians 1:10, Galatians 5:22-23, Matthew 7:17-20, John 15:5.) If we have gotten stagnant, it's a good sign we have let the things of the world distract us far too much.

One of the main purposes of this blog is to help us as Christian women grow closer in our relationships to God and others. And, this is a topic that really needs more addressing. We have to spend more time with God. We have to quit treating service and worship to Him like a checklist item that we just have to get done in order to appease Him. 

That isn't love, nor a relationship. If you say you don't have enough time to pour into something like that, then I would really suggest figuring out if that is actually true. If it is, consider what you should give up in order to have that life-giving relationship with God. A relationship with Him is the most important one you will ever have, as it influences every other part of your life.

God and the pursuit of Him brings peace. Throwing yourself into making your physical world as perfect as possible doesn't bring that peace and joy we so desperately crave. 

Sure it can make us comfortable and sometimes "spark joy", but it doesn't bring the "peace that passes understanding" (Philippians 4:7.) Only God can do that. Spending more time with Him, and serving others, those are things that truly bring lasting peace. (And, honestly, spending more time on experiences and relationships than stuff makes for a better life too.) Certain things can be fun and relaxing (such as video games) but don't make them the crux of your life.

This is a challenging study for me too. Writing this is convicting me in so many ways, and making me want to continue to get better with this. I want to go against the grain of our culture and really serve God the way He calls us to. I want to have a greater abundance of the things that matter more. I want to spend more time on things that matter:

-Growing closer to God

-Growing closer to the people I love

-Serving others and sharing my blessings with them.

-Fighting for the oppressed and lifting up the hurt and sharing with them the love of Christ. 

-Having more experiences and laughter than things. 

-More time on developing my talents and using them for God's glory. 

This is ultimately the life I want to live. What about you? What can you do today to overcome a materialist mindset and draw closer to God and others?

Love, 

Chelsea

Walk In Love; Not Pettiness and Bitterness.

Dear Sisters in Christ,

I often feel like many people tend to get themselves into petty drama all. The. Time. 

I don't understand how people live that way. You know what I'm talking about; the people who are constantly ranting and raving about all the 'haters' and 'jealous' people in their lives. The people who seem convinced that everyone is just out to get them. Or the people who are constantly trying to start fights with others. I feel like in some ways it gets amplified nowadays because of social media. 

Do you know people like that? Maybe you're guilty of that. Honestly, every once in a while we all can be petty or bitter. When life gets tough, and stressful, sometimes it can be easy to make the excuse to lash out because you're frustrated, or don't feel well.

Let me give it to you straight: There is never a good excuse to lash out at someone. It doesn't matter how you feel, or what someone else said to you earlier in the day.

I'm talking to myself here, too. I've done this more times than I can count. The older I get, the more I see that being petty does nothing more than pour more hate, hurt, bitterness, and frustration into the world. 

As Christians, we must walk in love. In case you need a reminder, biblical love is mostly a verb. Biblical love is action, seeking the best for others. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It isn't envious, nor does it brag about itself. It isn't proud. It does not bring dishonor to others, nor is it selfish. It isn't irritable, nor does it keep a record of everything someone has done wrong. It always protects, always trusts, and never gives up. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8.)

We choose whether or not we walk in love. Loving others when we are irritable or not feeling well isn't easy. But, it isn't impossible. 

It is a part of bearing fruit in our walk with Christ. Meaning, we grow more like Christ. Some of the fruits we need to work on bearing for this situation are Love, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. 

We must choose to love, and seek the best for another person. We must choose to be patient. We must choose to be kind, and gentle. We must develop self-control over ourselves and our tongues. 

Are these qualities easy to develop? No, but growing isn't easy, and it isn't supposed to be. It's an article for another day, but following after Christ isn't supposed to be comfortable. 

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to have feelings. But it's not okay to mistreat others because of how you feel. You don't get a free pass to do and say whatever you want because of it.

If you're angry, say so; but don't hurl insults or yell. (Ephesians 4:26.)

If you're upset with someone, talk to them about it instead of telling the whole world. (Matthew 18:15, Ephesians 4:29.)

If you're irritable, train yourself to bite your tongue. Leave the room if you have to. Stop hanging out with petty and bitter people. Stop giving attention to people who feel the need to constantly instigate fights. Instead, hang around with those who pour life and light into your life. 

It isn't easy. But, you may find that when you choose to walk in love, no matter how you feel, you have more authentic joy in your life. 

This week, work on taming your tongue and choosing love, even if you don't feel like it. You've got this. 

Love, 

Chelsea

Focus on Faith and Mental Health #5: When You're Feeling Suicidal

Dear Sisters in Christ,

A few years ago, I found myself in a serious situation. I was in school, and living a mile off of campus in a duplex by myself with my dog. I had no car. I walked to school everyday, and walked back after my classes were finished.

I wasn't able to hang out with friends much, or socialize. As soon as school got out in the afternoon, I had to head straight home to take care of my dog. 

It started off great. I was really glad to be living by myself for the first time, whether or not I had a car. It wasn't easy, I'll be honest. Sometimes it was hard to find rides in order to get groceries. There were some days I had to walk with up to four heavy grocery bags. Although, eventually I had someone that I could call that would be able to help me if I needed it.

Due to my social isolation, even at school, it started to have an effect on me. I began having suicidal thoughts, and I wanted to hurt myself.

I felt like I was a drain on everyone around me. I felt like I wasn't really contributing anything worthwhile. I began having suicidal thoughts and a desire to hurt myself.

This was definitely one of my lowest points in life, and it was really hard.

One day while walking to school, I finally had a moment of reality hit me. I began to question why I was having these thoughts and why I was beginning to feel this way. I knew then that it wasn't good. I then realized that I needed to do something.

I told my Mom. She told me to tell my friends and go back to counseling. So I did. I was able to move back to campus with my dog, and I got help.

I want to make this point: The absolute best thing you can do when you're feeling suicidal is to speak up and tell someone!

Is it scary? Absolutely. It is hard to bare your soul to people; because, often we don't always know for sure how they will respond. We don't know always know what they are going to say. 

I was fortunate because I have some very supportive people in my life. I understand that isn't the case for some people. For those who are in that situation, there is someone out there who will take you seriously and listen. 

Whatever side of the spectrum you fall on, with supportive people or no, your life is worth fighting for. Don't listen to the voices of the enemy (and other people) who tell you otherwise. Don't listen to those voices that tell you that you have nothing worthwhile to give or offer. 

God made you for a reason. He sent his only son to die for you, knowing that it was the only way to cleanse us from our sins. (John 3:16.) He WANTS a relationship with you, to show you just how precious you are to Him. He wants you to know that your life is worth living, and that He can make beauty out of your mess. 

It doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter what you have done. It doesn't matter what other people say about you or think about you. He sees you as His precious child, and He wants you to believe it. 

If you want to know more about God's love and how precious you are to Him, send me a message, and I will be glad to help. I am also a safe person to talk to if you feel like you don't want to live your life anymore. I have been there, and I also can point you in the direction of some resources that can help. 

Also, a good number to call is the National Suicide Hotline. This number has trained counselors on their staff to talk to you and help you. Another resource is "To Write Love on Her Arms". This is an organization that helps people find resources for dealing with suicidal thoughts, drug addiction, self-injury, and suicide. I will post how to access these resources and others, down below.

Whatever you do, don't give up. Trust that God has a beautiful plan for your life. Just keep fighting. This won't last forever.

Love,

Chelsea

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1. National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
2. To Write Love on Her Arms: www.twloha.com
3. MentalHealth.gov
4. Psychology Today. This website has listings of therapists all over the country to help you find the best fit for you. www.psychologytoday.com