One thing I have always struggled with is looking backward far too much.
I spent far too many years looking back on the mistakes made, my regrets, my shame, and ways others hurt and harmed me. I gave too much of my life over to anger, obsession, shame, lack of responsibility, and pain.
When I turned 30, I had a bit of a crisis; but, it was a crisis that was necessary. The crisis caused me to realize that I had been wasting my life away.
I kind of wonder if Taylor Swift herself had a similar mindset when she turned 30. Midnights is an album that I would describe as a 30-something year old woman looking back and assessing her life, her choices, regrets, and experiences.
While we have most definitely led very different lives, I relate to so much of what she has written about on Midnights. My favorite song on the album is, "You're On Your Own Kid", and it's kind of become my anthem.
She sings about her struggles of having a crush on a friend as a teen, her struggles as a young star entering the music industry, comparing herself to others, and the struggles and losses she had along the way.
On the last leg of the song she writes, "'Cause there where pages turned with the bridges burned/Everything you lose is a step you take/So make the friendship bracelets/Take the moment and taste it/You've got no reason to be afraid/You're on your own kid/Yeah, you can face this/You're on your own kid/You always have been."
Much of the song is very sad, but at the end, she brings it all together. She says that, despite the struggles, there were beautiful moments that made all the pain worth it.
"Take the moment and taste it."
Living in the moment. That is something I want to strive for. All we have is the moment that we are in at that point in time. We can only do our best in the precious moments God gives us.
Did I waste a lot of my life?
Yes. But I am not going to stay there.
You get to decide how your life is going to go. Sure, there are certain things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't control God's timing. You can't change the weather, or the time.
You can control the decisions you make. You can choose to forgive. You can choose joy. You can choose to love yourself and make yourself more of a priority. You can choose to walk away from bitterness, self-pity, and victim-hood. You can choose better boundaries. You can choose to trust God's timing and His will for your life.
Wherever this finds you, it isn't to late. It never is.
"You're on Your Own Kid. Yeah, you can face this."
Love,
Chelsea
