Dear Sisters in Christ,
I think most everyone can agree that this has been one of the hardest years in many of our lifetimes. So much happened all at once to so many of us. I have cried so much this year, and have had my heart break in so many ways.
Early this year, I faced a traumatic event that impacted me in a profound way, and sent me into another struggle with my mental health. I made a LOT of mistakes this year. Then, add in the social distancing, and being stuck at home so much, it was a perfect storm. Despite being an introvert, I can't say that I want to be home all the time.
Add in the stress of everything else going on politically and socially; and then, at the smack-end of the year, around thanksgiving, my gallbladder decided it hates me, and become basically bed-bound for almost two weeks.
However, despite these things, I see that they have been desperately needed in my life. All of these things have struck me upside the head, stretched me thin, woken me up, and forced me to grow.
Somehow, I think the biggest thing that has come from this year is that I have been forced to run back to God time and time again.
Within the insanity, He is my peace, my anchor, my constant. Even times when I have felt terribly lonely this year, He has been a friend that I know that I can always turn to.
This year has also been challenging me by way of forcing me to develop stronger boundaries with myself, and others. The biggest way comes down to the fact that I struggle with being a "fixer". I sometimes bear the weight of the world too much on my shoulders. I allow the things people do to pull me down far too much. I often feel like I have to give advice or try to fix situations that are basically a dead end.
I can't make people do the right thing. I can't stop people from making self-destructive choices. I can't stop dishonesty. I can't stop people choosing to be ugly to fellow people made in the image of God. I can't make anyone do anything.
I can't save people. That's God's job. And unfortunately, I realized that I was trying to take on what was supposed to be His job in some situations. And that is a really hard pill to swallow, my friends. God has a profound way of humbling you.
What can I do? Love them. Pray for them. I can also warn them; but I can't beat a dead horse. I have to learn to simply say my peace, and walk away, and leave people to do what they are ultimately going to do. I have to leave them to live as they choose, even if it means they get seriously hurt.
And even if it means my heart breaks too.
And, in the end, I absolutely cannot let that destroy my peace. While it may hurt, sometimes unbearably, my hope, my peace, my strength, and my joy is in the Lord. Whatever happens, or however I may feel at any given moment, God will hold steady in my heart.
Coming off of this, I also came to the realization that I had developed an unhealthy relationship with Facebook. It had gotten to the point that I began allowing what people posted to get to me far too much.
I took a break, and began working on ways to, whenever I get back on, to have better boundaries with it. I don't ever want to allow a social media platform to have so much power over my emotions ever again.
It may seem silly, but I think this is more of a problem for a lot people than they might admit. This year has ultimately showed the full-blown negative side of the media in so many ways. The internet gives people a bravery to say so many things they wouldn't normally. And that can be a very negative thing.
The older I get, the more I find that, when it comes to controversial subjects, much more gets accomplished speaking face to face rather than over the internet on a social media platform. When speaking face to face, and two people have a mutual respect for each other, more change happens that way than on the internet.
I want to help facilitate change in the world. But it isn't going to happen debating on social media.
I can change the world by sharing my heart; whether through my writing, by loving my foster sisters and brothers; being kind, non-judgmental, and gracious to strangers; and offering up acts of kindness to people in need; listening to, and sharing in others' pain.
And sometimes, this listening can be terribly uncomfortable; especially when we are told things that challenge what we've always thought. That is how we inspire change: by using our talents and spreading love in real life. That is the kind of life I ultimately want to live.
I don't want to live a life through a screen that only tells half of the story. I want to live an abundant life; a raw, honest, open, loving one that honors my Father in heaven.
And that, my dear friends, is ultimately what 2020 has taught to me this year.
While this year may have been so difficult, I am going to let the year go. And when I walk into 2021, I will walk in stronger, and wiser, and even more sure of my God's love for me.
What other image would I possibly put here? Haha
I hope and pray the same for you as well.
Love,
Chelsea
