Dear Sisters in Christ,
We are now in the final leg of 2020; and in a few months, it will be over. This year has been completely nuts. No other way to describe it. I don't know what 2021 will bring, but there are things I hope for, yearn for. (Like, Christmas.)
I haven't written much on my blog the past few weeks, mostly because I felt so rotten, physically and mentally. I didn't want to do very much, and I had horrible, horrible fatigue. I always have fatigue, but it was much worse than what it usually was. I sincerely didn't feel like my brain was functioning at full capacity. I was stumbling over things, physically, as well as my words.
But despite this year's difficulties, there has been a lot of clarity on things in my life, and the world. The past few weeks and months are opening my eyes to a lot of things. Despite 2020 being a bit of a train wreck, I know that it is just one blip in my journey.
So. I'm just going to quit...
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| Not really; though I do feel like this a lot of days. ^^^ |
I'm going to quit putting so much time into things that steal my focus.
Why should I put focus on things that direct my attention away from God, and my purpose in life?
And, I am finding, those things can be seriously sneaky. You know what they are:
-Those extra "few minutes" binge-watching a TV show
-Choosing to argue with someone on the internet in a conversation that is very obviously not going to go anywhere (I've really gotta stop getting sucked into those.)
-THE NEWS.
-Making little excuses not to do the important things.
There are many other things we can probably name as well.
I don't have enough energy to pour into things that take away my focus from where it needs to be. I am finding when I pour that energy into mundane things constantly, the more my joy is robbed, and the less I feel as if I am truly living out my purpose.
So what do I need to do? The answer is simple, but difficult: Put my focus back on God.
I'm going to quit forgetting that God is my Strength when I feel like I have none.
The other day, I found myself in prayer. In the face of depression and mental health issues, you can feel empty, drained, and exhausted for no good reason. You can feel completely numb, without any desire to do anything.
I asked God how I was supposed to find that strength to just do basic life right now. Mostly because I just didn't feel like I had it in me.
Then, two scriptures came to my memory:
"The Lord is my strength and shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him. The Lord is the strength of His people; He is the saving refuge of His anointed." (Psalm 28:7)
"The name of the Lord is a strong Tower; the righteous run to it, and are safe." (Proverbs 18:10)
Here's what I am realizing. We don't need strength of our own. God is our strength. When we are weary, all we need to do is run to Him, pour our hearts out to Him, and just rest in His presence. When we truly trust in Him, and live in thankfulness, He is our rest and our strength. (Matthew 11:28-30.)
In our weakest moments, in our human frailty, God accomplishes everything we cannot. In the times we have nothing, He is absolutely everything.
I am going to quit complaining about how terrible the world is right now.
Things are tough. They have always been tough. Ever since the fall of Eden, things are going to be hard. That's just how it is.
On this side of heaven, there will always be disease. There will always be pain. There will always be people creating division. There will always be hatred.
No, I am not saying that we can't do things about it, or taking a "Hakuna Matata" attitude.
However, I am saying that there are ways to find joy. There are ways to find the good. I had a child ask me recently, "Why are you trying so hard to find the good, especially with how bad this year has been?"
My response was simply this: "That is how we survive."
God makes it very clear in His word that we are going to face tough times (1 Peter 4:12.) However, the presence of difficulties doesn't mean that we can't find peace or joy. As a matter of fact, two of the fruits of the Spirit are peace and joy. Going deeper into a relationship with God, and growing with the Spirit means those two qualities are going to develop as well.
In Philippians 4:6-7, it says: "....do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
A relationship with God creates peace within a person that continues to grow over time. Spending time in prayer and in scripture gives a peace that doesn't make sense to the rest of the world. And yet, the evidence is there, in a person who chooses to keep clinging to God. They are a person that, though they may have their anxieties and struggles, there is still a peace, and a light that emanates from them. I want to continue to be more like that.
To conclude, the closer I get to my Father, the more I fall in love with Him, the more I know that everything is going to be okay somehow. Is my depression or anxiety or OCD cured? No. God is not going to just take our struggles away.
But these things get easier to deal with the more I open my hands and release my control over them. I don't have to be "strong". I don't have to have it all together; because, my Father does. And the more I pursue a relationship with Him, the more He does the healing and changing in my heart.
Love,
Chelsea
