Dear Sisters In Christ,
-No stripes. They make your body look wider.
-No leggings, ever. Or skinny jeans. Not attractive on fat legs.
-No ballgowns. They Will make you look like you are taking up more space.
- I have even heard people say that bright colors look bad on plus sized bodies.
So, basically what it boils down to is this: In order to appease society at large and not offend them with our bigness, we should never leave our home; and if we do, we MUST wear as dreary and billowy clothes as possible at all times. No one can ever notice or see that we are larger people. We must fade into the background as to not offend those sensitive to legs, stomachs, arms, and booties with a larger circumference.
In this article, I would like to tackle where these ideas come from, because, I find them to be horribly ridiculous. I also want to address the spiritual implications of such ideas.
Whether people want to admit it or not, these statements are largely based in fat phobia. I am sure some people who are reading this are probably getting defensive as they have probably said some of these things themselves and even believe them. I am sure some of you are saying, "But, some things just look bad on big bodies!"
Okay then. Let's challenge that. Who decided that? Like, seriously, WHO? What standard are you using to say something looks bad? Have you ever really thought this through as to why? If we are truly honest with ourselves, we would realize that these standards come from society itself. From Hollywood. From the Fashion industry.
We have been conditioned by society to view plus sized bodies as bad and/or disgusting. So many plus size women and girls have been convinced that, because their bodies are offensive, they should never wear certain things and try to hide themselves. They have been taught to be ashamed of their bodies.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard fellow sisters in Christ point at someone and say things like these:, "Um, why is she wearing that? Her thighs are way too big for those shorts!" "Someone her size shouldn't be wearing a ballgown on her wedding day." "Ugh. Why in the world is that girl wearing leggings? Doesn't she know that big girls look awful in them?"
Statements like these make me extremely uncomfortable. For one, it's gossip, plain and simple. Yes, observations can be gossip too. Gossip, plain and simple, is saying things behind another person's back that you have no intention of saying to their face. You know what scripture says about gossipers? They are included in a list of sins that are worthy of death. So, you know, we really ought to take it very seriously when God tells us to mind our tongues. (Romans 1:8-22.)
So, next question; what are you looking for? So many of us are super tuned into judging ourselves and others over appearances, and we don't even pause to consider it. It is so ingrained into many of us. Even as Christian women, despite having been told time and time again that the heart matters infinitely more (1 Samuel 16:7, 1 Peter 3:3-4), we still find ourselves overly in tune with judging others' appearances...or worrying that our bodies will offend other people.
Ladies, when we are too focused on appearances, it hurts us spiritually. Instead of seeing the person's beautiful soul, or the light in their eyes, we are judging them based on worldly standards and we end up leaving God out of the equation.
When we see ours or someone else's bodies as bad or disgusting, we believe a lie. Again, these judgments we make are based on the idea of fat phobia and what society has deemed undesirable.
But, some may argue: "It's unhealthy to be overweight or obese. We shouldn't be glorifying it or saying it is a good thing."
There are a few problems with this statement. One, there are many reasons a person can have weight problems. There are quite a few health conditions and even medications that can lead to weight gain. Someone may be in a tough spot emotionally; or economically and can't afford healthy food at a point in time. Maybe they have a condition that causes severe fatigue, or pain that interferes with exercise.
Also, food addiction and binge eating disorder are real things. Some people turn to drugs. Some turn to sex or porn. Some turn to TV. And yes, someone else may turn to food.You don't know the ways in which people are struggling. Nearly every one has some sort of bad habit that they use to deal with their problems. And since most of us do have these bad habits in one form of another, we have no right to judge one another for them.
And also, there are some people who do exercise and eat well. And you know what? They have naturally larger bodies. Many plus sized models are actually this way, believe it or not.
People shouldn't have to stand there and vomit their entire medical or emotional history just for you to respect them as a fellow human being.
And someone simply living their lives, or sharing their joy on social media is not glorifying obesity. They have every right to enjoy their lives and share about it just as much as you do. They shouldn't have to hide in the shadows just because of their weight or appearance.
Being a Christian is about growing to be more like Christ and having our focus more on what He focused on. When Jesus was going through His ministry, as God in the flesh, He had the ability to look into the hearts of the people. He showed compassion, and always knew the best way to respond based on what was in their hearts.
We, not being God in the slightest, do not have that ability. So that means we ought to do the next best thing: love fiercely, and be wholly compassionate. We must get to know people to figure out what their needs are and how we can best be there for them in their circumstances. There is a quote from Mother Teresa that says it best: "If you judge others, you have no time to love them."
The more time we spend making assumptions, turning up our noses, living in disgust of their bodies or outfits, the less time we have to be the servants that our God has called us to be. Those thoughts and actions prevent us from sharing the goodness of God with others.
We have to begin by challenging every thought and idea that invades our minds. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive and make it obey Christ..."
As Christians we need to be getting in the habit of challenging every single idea, from us, from others, and society at large. We must always be seeing if they hold up to the word of God. If it is something contrary to the word of God, then we need to make it something that is obedient to Christ.
For example, in this situation, let's say you see someone who doesn't look the way you think they should look. You begin thinking or saying things like, "Man, they need to lay off the donuts", or "That girl is too fat/skinny/whatever for that outfit". It could be more than things having to deal with weight. It could also be making assumptions about others when you only have what you are seeing in that moment (i.e., making assumptions about a Mom with a bunch of different kids of different races/heritages and using food stamps)
Train yourself to stop and compare those thoughts with scripture. Break it down. Ask yourself if these statements, thoughts, or actions are honoring to God and people. Ask yourself how much you actually know about the person you are judging. Consider if these thoughts have the potential to prevent you from seeing them as made in the image of God and loving them properly. If so, you need to let them go.
I want to make the point that I'm not really talking about modesty. I am simply talking about the ways in which we tend to judge people for their bodies and appearances, which is something we really need to be careful of.
Sisters, Jesus came to give you an abundant life. We have to let go of anything that gets in the way of us fully loving God, others, as well as ourselves. We have to let go, ignore, and challenge any thoughts or ideas we have in the light of God's word. When we hang on to societal ideals that are not in line with scripture, the more weighed down we feel; the pettier we will act towards ourselves and others. Joy, peace, love, and other fruits cannot thrive when our hearts are weighed down by thoughts and ideas contrary to God.
We will never be perfect. But when you challenge those thoughts that aren't from God in the first place, the more light radiates from within. This light will draw others in. The Gospel is for every soul regardless of what they look like, or whatever standards society believes they should fulfill.
Please know that regardless of what you look like, you precious in God's sight. He made you so specially and perfectly. Let that little light of yours shine.
Love,
Chelsea
